Not His Dream Girl

Not Letting Go

The last few mornings didn't look very different. Instead of wasting my night at a bar and eventually a hotel with Lucky, I distracted myself in Nick's room. I mainly just talked about the good old days with him till I fell asleep with my head down on the side of his bed and my hand holding on to his. I was well aware that this was not the healthiest way to spend my night, but this was the only way to ensure I didn't fall back into my other bad habit. So typically, I stayed there till three in the morning, then went home to freshen up before coming back to start my shift

When I woke up on Friday, there was cheerfulness in the air. The week was finally ending for most people, but not me—I was working this Saturday. The nurse that checked on Nick during the night, Jen, gave me a wider smile than usual.

"It's only 2:30. You can sleep a bit more if you want," she said to me as she eyeballed a clipboard she was holding.

"I should get going so someone besides you didn't know I spent my nights here," I said, rapidly blinking as I lifted away from Nick, but my hand still held his.

"Ok, I can walk out with you. I am ending my shift after finishing my rounds. I have two more patients to check on. I'll see you at the main gate in like 15 mins," I nodded, and Jen waved at me before zooming out.

I started to get up, expecting my arm holding to follow me. However, resistance snapped me back down.  I looked at my hand, and to my disbelief, Nick's fingers were wrapped around the back of my hand. I wasn't holding onto his hands. He was holding onto mine. He was gripping me!

It didn't take long, however, for me to get out of his grip, and the only reason I did was so I could have Nick try again. Hope danced within my body, and I tried to get Nick to fold his fingers around me again, but my hands flopped down repeatedly. Nick remained unmoved. Maybe it was a fluke, or maybe I folded his fingers over mine in my sleep. But there was a grip. I couldn't move! He was holding onto me. This has to mean something! I had to let someone know!

I dashed out to meet Jen in Charlie's room.

I startled her as she was taking Charlie's pulse. "Jen! Jen! He grabbed my hand last night!" I yelled.

"You were probably dreaming, sweetheart," it wasn't Jen but Charlie who answered. "I feel like my love comes to hold my hand at night too." He gave me a pitying look even though he looked half asleep.

"Charlie, I couldn't get out of his grip today. He was holding onto me. That's gotta mean he responded to something, right?" I hopefully explained this to him. "Jen, you have to go take a look. Call Lucky or the new attending doctor to see if there was some change in his activity." I was almost screaming at this point.

"I'll tell you what, I am just about done with Charlie here. Why don't I come over and take a look with you now?" She offered, talking to me
even more kindly than usual.

"Thanks, Jen," I dumbly said. Their reaction to this monumental moment in my life was the very opposite of what I was hoping for. I expected Jen to run up the stairs with me to see Nick immediately. Instead, she slowly—at least in my eyes—-talked to Charlie about his aches and pains before writing down her notes on his clipboard.

Once Jen finally finished up with Charlie, I dashed out, not looking if she followed behind me. I got to Nick's room in less than a minute, and Jen trailed a few seconds later.

"Phew," she exhaled in exhaustion. I didn't comment and just pointed at Nick.

Jen got to it. She was checking his pulse and twiddling the few machines around him. She peeled, opened his eyes, and flashed a light within them. Then I heard her sigh, and my heart sank. I knew what was coming next. "Sorry, May. I do not see a difference."