Coach's Daughter

39

It's been a week since the break up. I've been having an on and off relationship with my stuffed hippo. Sometimes I'm clutching her to my chest, crying and sometimes I'm chucking her across my room. Sometimes I'm holding her as I fall asleep at night and sometimes I'm stuffing her back in my closet only to get her back out in the next couple hours. Sometimes she comforts me and sometimes she just reminds me of how worthless and disposable I am.

I've been so lonely without Paige. I could hang out with Daisy or my family, but it's not the same. And I can't talk to any of them about it. They won't get it. Not even Daisy. It won't fill the void. So I've been spending a lot of time by myself, crying, sleeping, missing her. God, I miss her so much. I want to hate her. I should hate her. But I can't.

I had a dream last night. Well, more like a nightmare. I was in Paige's apartment. At first I was in her bathroom, then I was in the living room. Somehow I knew she was in the bathroom. I tried to get in but the door was locked. I kept knocking and banging on the door but she wouldn't let me in. I was begging and crying but she kept quiet and wouldn't let me in. I knew she was on the other side of that door though. I felt trapped, in a way. Like no one could hear me or if they did, they didn't care. She didn't care. I feel like I've been locked out of heaven.

Now I'm laying on my floor, petting Molly as she lays on my stomach. I've tried playing with her to get my mind off things, but she's not really playful. She just likes to cuddle sometimes. It's so quiet I can hear when someone comes up the stairs. I can tell by the heavier footsteps it's my dad. I groan internally. I don't want to talk to him. He knocks on my door and says my name but I don't answer. Maybe he'll think I'm asleep.

"Y/n. I know you're not asleep. Open up."

When I don't respond he sighs in frustration.

"Listen, I got a call from the school. I know you've not been going to your classes."

Feeling like I have no choice, I get up and open my door. He stands there with a worried look on his face.

"Your mother and I want to talk to you downstairs," he says seriously. What's with the professionalism?

I follow him down stairs and go to sit on the couch as my mom joins us.

"Y/n," my mom starts with a distressed voice, "I just want to say, you're not in trouble, we're just worried about you."

"This isn't like you," my dad says, "you've always been on top of your classes and attendance."

I just stare at them. Are they dumb? Did they forget about how Dad completely obliterated my life?

"Honey," my mom says, her brows drawn together, "tell us what's going on."

They wait for me to answer. What do I tell them? The vague truth.

"I'm just sad."

"But why?" Mom asks me obliviously. I can't believe this.

When I don't respond, I watch my dad's face change from concerned to frustrated to knowing.

"This isn't about Paige, is it?" He asks after a while of silence.

This makes me angry. He says it as if it would be ridiculous for me to be reacting like this because of Paige.

"Yes!" I stand up from the couch. "What else would it be about?!"

"Y/n. That is no reason to go into a depressive episode," my dad says degradingly.

"Yes it is! And it's all your fault!" I shout.

"I hate you." I say with venom before going back upstairs.