Sumanika ~ The Prince's Widowed Bride

32 ~ The First Kiss

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Suman POV

"Suman,"

"Hn?"

I asked, and I felt his other hand caressing my jaw.

"Can I tell you something, and you would not judge me?"

He asked, and I opened my eyes to look at him.

"Never,"

I said, and he sucked on his lips a little, and I said.

"Umm, I know we do have choices, but in life, we have shortcuts for everything,"

His words brought thin lines to my forehead, evidence of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

I asked, and he closed his eyes for a moment, and he shifted a little, pushing me off his chest and said.

"Um, I cannot tell you like that,"

I sat up, hearing him, and I looked at him, turning his face away from me, putting his feet down on the floor, and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You do not have to tell me about your life. It's not my place to know, and comfort is prime. If something is hurting you, then you do not have to tell it,"

I tried to say, kneeling behind him silently, and he shook his head. His soft curls looked mesmerizingly beautiful this late night, and he said.

"I want to tell you. I mean, you know, you can leave me after it, reject me. There is no foundation. I am sure that man, or any man, would be a thousand times better than me. Also, I will keep an eye on him so he will never hurt you, but you must know that this is your choice. I know you have never been given an option, but I want to provide a choice to you. I want you to decide for yourself. You are not sixteen now. You are way older, way more intelligent and mature than before. You know people now. All of this is... maybe a pull or attraction; I am not sure yet. But I believe that you deserve much more than this. I am not the man you think I am, and I am not. I am not like my brothers, who saved themselves for their wives. I am not an ideal husband. I give priority to the Kingdom before anyone. I can kill without thinking twice, blood does not frighten me, fire does not kill me. I could die for our Kingdom without thinking twice, Suman,"

He said, and I felt a lump in my throat, unable to say anything. My fingers turned slightly colder hearing him, and I did not know what to say.

"I have done things that are unethical,"

He muttered in a slow voice, and I lowered my gaze.

"I have done things a woman would not want in her husband. That's why I am... saying, I am saying that... you can leave, like if you want. I mean, that man is great and... and he will keep you happy,"

His words fumbled, and his voice turned hoarse. I could not stop myself from shifting closer to him and hugging him from behind. My arms wrapped around his shoulder, and I pressed my head against his nape.

"I do not want to marry him. Do not I have any say in who I want to marry or not if I have a choice,"

I managed to say, and he touched my arm silently.

"Suman,"

He breathed and stayed silent for a few moments.

"I was just fifteen,"

His voice broke a little. The shiver in it was visible. I closed my eyes. Nothing could affect me.

"Um, Rudra Bhaisa was twenty-two, and he was practising celibacy at that time, and Ranvijay Bhaisa was the favourite student of our Guruji. He had appointed him as his subordinate to teach other students as well. I was always a gone case. I was intelligent but distracted mostly. Till then, I was living with both of them, but then Rudra Bhaisa came to Suryagarh to work as the personal guard of the former King, who was our uncle, elder brother of our father, and Ranvijay Bhaisa was with Guruji,"