Main characters never die?!

Chapter Five - It's just a passing illness, right?

I thought it would be an ordinary day like the previous ones. The sun shone through the curtains in the room, the sky was clear and blue, and the air was fresh. I had a light breakfast with my mother, the men of the house were already training.

I got dressed in something comfortable and trained for a while too, and after that, I attended my etiquette, history and language lessons. Everything went as usual until there was some commotion. I could hear upset voices from my study so I went out to check the situation. Two male servants were carrying my dad to his room. He was barely conscious.

At first, I felt flabbergasted and numb. It may seem like a contradiction but after my first shock, I felt nothing. Like I was watching something as an outsider, someone unrelated. I watched from afar without feeling anything as they lay him down and as my mother came to his side desperately. She was clutching his hand when my brother arrived and went to the other side.

Am I not a part of this family? Do I still think of them as characters, non-alive beings instead of people before my eyes? Is that why I don't feel anything? Because it doesn't matter to me what happens with them. Was I pretending that we were a loving family to ease my loneliness and pain? Was I deceiving myself all this time? Is that why I am unaffected?

„Liri, don't cry." My mother said as she stretched out her free hand towards me. What? I touched my cheeks and it was wet. Why am I crying when I feel so numb? I needed some time to think so I ran away, into my room.

I dive into my bed, pulled the cover over me and pulled my knees to my chest. How could it be? It's not supposed to be like this. We are a family, I would do anything for them, so why? Why am I unable to feel anything? I should be horrified, sad and... I don't know how I should feel!

I have no idea how many hours passed while I tried to figure out why am I like this and what kind of situation is it. Maybe it was just a few minutes. I completely lost my sense of time. The next thing I knew my mother embraced me. I recognized her forgets-me-not scent and her warmth.

„Shh, shh, my baby. Everything will be all right." She tried to soothe me. „Your father will be okay." Do I have the right to be consoled if I am like this? I felt guilty for many things. Her kindness hurt. „It's okay to feel like this." Is it? „You can let go and hide away if you want. You don't have to face this problem if you don't want to. I take care of everything." How could I? I... I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. I couldn't breathe no matter how much I tried. My mother realized something was wrong because she pulled down the blanket.

„Deep breath, darling, deep breath." She started stroking my back in a circular motion. „Slowly, that's right. Don't panic." I followed her instruction and managed to suck in some air.

„Mom..."

„Yes, mom is here with you. It's okay. „ She started to sing my like when I was a child but I couldn't hear her. I felt all of a sudden too many things. Fear, sadness, worry, desperation, indignation and... anger. I was furious about fate, or good or the writer? Whoever or whatever was responsible for this.

They went through so much, endured so many hardships and made sacrifices along the way and now this bullshit. I desperately wished for their happiness and my own after the unfortunate end of my previous life. Our happy life was at stake now. I didn't know why or how but my father's state seemed unnatural.

„How is father?" I asked after I collected myself and pulled away.

„The doctor is examining him. Your brother is with them." I could see the traces of her tears but she smiled for me.

„Why are you not with him?" It may sound like a rude question but I knew she wanted to be by his side so I didn't understand.

„I can't do anything for him right now because I can't heal or cure him but I can be here for you if you have a hard time. My daughter and son are just as important as my husband. And just because you seem fine it doesn't mean you are not hurting as much or even more. I know how much you love your father."