a Country gal lovin' a biker boy

Chapter 18

Jake's POV

"Have you slept at all?" Nate looks at me slightly worried and I give him a shrug. How can you sleep when you've fucked up the most perfect thing that's ever happened to you? How am I supposed to live when I crushed the only person I've ever loved?

I have betrayed her because I thought she'd be safer if I wasn't there. I used alcohol and drugs to numb my pain, to make me emotionless, I slept with girls to push her memory out of my system. But when she walked in on me a month ago, no booze nor drug could keep me from getting sober. Her face, her eyes, the flash of hurt, the anger.. she's become so strong, no sign that I ever physically hurt her. And only that day did I realise I should've been there for her, taken care of her. Instead I got high and drunk. Trying to erase my love for her, to protect her. Can't I just die-

"Hey man, are you okay? Fuck you haven't slept in weeks have you?" Nate pushes a cup of coffee my way and I sigh "I can't fucking sleep, as soon as I sleep I see her, I see the hurt and the anger. I'm going fucking insane man." He shrugs and looks at me seriously "You fucked up. But I do know that sitting here beating yourself up hasn't done any good. It's been a month since you saw her slam that door close. Don't you think its time you get off you're ass, take a shower and fucking fight for the girl you love? If I had the chance- I wouldn't let her slip through my fingers man."

I look at him stunned, he's right. I jump up and blast into the bathroom "You're right! Fuck man you are so right" the last I hear from him is his chuckle. I'm getting the love of my life back.

~~~ After my shower, I stormed out of the apartment and raced to Casey and Clair's apartment, running up to their door, I don't even know if she has class or not, I knock on the door and wait as I hear footsteps on the other side. Clair greets me with a huff "It's about fucking time you woke up-" I don't give her time to finish "Where is she?" I speed walk to her room and swing open the door

I feel the blood drain from my body, boxes are stacked everywhere, only a few books and pens still on her desk, no photos, no little memo's or accesories. It's all boxed up. She's leaving.

"She's going to Italy. She's moving to fucking Italy." Clair barks at me and I wince at the thought of my Cocoa leaving. Because of me.

"Damn right because of you. You fucking abandoned her, then she found you with some slut. You broke her heart." Clair looks at me disgusted "I'm losing my best friend because you just had too fuck a whore."

I feel the tears stain my eyes, I slouch on her, feeling weak. "I-I need her back. I love her..." at my words or tears Clair saddens and sit next to me "I think you should go to her family, she's in Italy now but they might want to talk to you. There's things- You need to understand her better and I think they'll help with that."

~~~ Five hours after talking to Clair I parked in front of the Evan's residence. Right now I'm waiting at the door. Mrs Evans opens the door, surprise evident on her face "Jake? It's only Wednesday, don't you have classes?" I look at her sadly and nod "Mrs E... Is she- Is Casey really..." I can't even speak the words. My body can't comprehend her leaving "Why don't you come inside sweety, I think I have a few things to tell you that you should know."

An hour and lunch later, I'm sitting anxiously in front of Mrs E. She sighs "Has Casey ever spoke to you about Marcus?" I shake my head no and she continues "It's strange. We assumed she's told you, your the first person she's been her true self to for so long, we just thought you knew." I looked at her sadly, I have lost her trust ...

"Oh Sweety, she's been throug a hell of a lot more than seeing you with another girl. She's strong, I will say I've never seen her hurt the way she's hurtin now, but she's still strong" so I said that out loud and her mom knows, fucking great. "Casey is a free spirit, I don't have to tell you that, but with that free spirt comes the belief that she can change people-" she takes a sip of her drink and looks at me seriously "she thought she could change Marcus you see, he was new to town and a trouble maker, two months in to him living here, he saw her, she broke his friends nose and he fell for her. They were inseparable, she made him a man. He sobered his ways and focused on her." The thought of him made my fucking skin crawl, I was radiating jelousy.

Mrs E continued, slightly aware of my mood change "Marcus however couldn't stay good, he started drinking and using drugs... H cheated on Casey with every girl possible, she stopped counting at number 32... Strong willed as she is, she left him after battering his truck with a baseball bat. It was only after Case left him that his obsession began. He wanted her back and stopped at nothing- he hurt her really badly Jake. He decided that if he can't have her, nobody can. He ran straight into her truck while she was driving. He hit her side and nearly killed her" Mrs E was sobbing by now, I'm trying everything to not scream and kill him. But the guilt in me grows, you did the same to her you fucking idiot.

"After getting better, her granddaddy suggested she move to Italy, she'd be safer there until Marcus was behind bars. So she did and Italy became her safe haven for a year. Now you've opened some old wounds, together with some new ones and her mind is saying that Italy takes away the pain... So she's decided- to move back there.... permanently." She stutters the last part and I feel like sinking into the ground "Mrs E, I'm sorry for what I've done, I love your daughter so fucking much, I thought if I left she'd be safe... but the void inside drove me to bad things and she- she caught me. I don't deserve her. But I'd give my life for her any day. I need her."

Before Mrs E could say a word, Casey's grandad speaks from behind me "Don't you think you should go tell her that sonny?"

Well I really hope I have done this chaper justice! I wanted you to see Jake's pain, his turmoil and how he feels about Casey. I just need to thank @EsmereldaDeBruyn and @cyn1968 for commenting on chapter 17, you guys made my day by supporting Casey!!! AND thank each and everyone of you that has been pressing that star non stop! I'm sorry if there is a lot of errors, my laptop is in for repair and I'm working from my tablet. Thank you for those who messaged me to feel beter, I'm in perfect health again** SO my test week is coming up in a few days time, THUS for the next two weeks you wil not be hearing from me and no updates, I'm sorry but being a law student can be tough and I need to focus on that for the next two weeks** Thank you all for reading and pllllleeeeaaaaasssse let me know what you think!

Happy Reading

~S/H