Red Lilac

Chapter 16

"Alyana, you shower first, I'll clean up here. We will collect your suitcase before we leave, for now, you can use my clothes." he stands, collect the dishes and walk to the sink.

"I need to shave." I said shyly and I bow my head. I feel blush creeping in my face. He gazes down my legs and grins at me. "What's funny?"

"Your legs are perfect, what part will you shave?" his eyes are shinning mischievously. I blush even more.

"My underarms." I lie.

"Can I see?" he walks back to me and lift my left arm. I smack his shoulder.

"Aiden!" I warn. He smiles like an idiot. He knows what I need to shave. "Do you have a spare razor or something?"

"I have it in the cabinet in the bathroom." I want to slap away that smile on his face. He's so naughty. Why do I even tell him I need to shave?

"Okay, I'll go." I whisper with a stern look on my face.

"Okay." he's still grinning. I roll my eyes at him and walk to his room.

***
I shaved using the only razor in the cabinet. I used his toothbrush too. After I am satisfied and feel fresh, I walk to his room with only towel covering my body.

I found Aiden working on his laptop sitting in his king sized bed in the center of his huge room. He really loves white. Everything is white in his room except for the cabinet knobs which are painted gold.

"Did you shave what you need to shave?" he asked his eyes not leaving the laptop but grinning.

"Yes, do you want to see?" I intend it as a joke but he gasps. His eyes get a little darker than usual. He slowly looks at me from head to toe. I feel so expose now. I turn my back at him.

I walk to his drawers and pull out a white T-shirt and white boxers. I am aware that he is watching my every move. So I let the towel drop in my toes. I heard his loud gasp. I smile to myself. Come on, Aiden, Come on.

Then I slowly put his boxers first and his T-shirt on. When I turn around he is looking at me differently. This is the first time he saw me naked aside from our trip to Hunter Mountain. But he did nothing now. I want to pull my hair. This man is really frustrating me.

I slowly walk to the bed and sit on the edge to towel dry my hair. But suddenly he is in front of me; he grabs me into him then kiss me like he never did before. What's this?

"Please Alyana.." he sound like he's in pain.

"Please what?"

"I am trying my best, really trying my best. I want to make everything right with you."

"There's nothing wrong about it.." he is silent for a moment, but looking through my eyes.

"Are you ready for it?"

"Yes, a long long time ago."

"Alyana, I mean.." he sighs "..Marriage. Are you ready for marriage?" he looks so nervous. Worried even, I love him, but I am still so young. Will marriage cut off all this? What about my dreams? What about my career? "Alyana.." he sound like he's been experiencing so much pain. I want to kick myself.

"Can.. Can I think about it first?" I sigh.

He closes his eyes for a moment. But I wouldn't miss the pain and rejection in those beautiful eyes.

"Aiden, will you still let me work if I'll marry you? Will you let me do what I am doing right now?" he sits beside me in the corner of his bed.

"I want kids, Alyana. I want many kids. And I want us to personally take care of them. You, me, and the kids. I want a family I can go home with. I want you by my side always."

I know he wouldn't. He wants to have kids right after marriage. If I will get pregnant early, I wouldn't be able to work. It scares the hell out of me. I need my job. I have goals to meet.

And the real reason is, I can't support my grandmother in the Philippines if I'll stop working. I have plans for her; I want to build a house for her. But I am just starting in my career. My salary is just enough for her meds and her daily needs and to pay my bills here. Lola, I love you so much.

I can't just get marry and drop my responsibilities. My grandmother needs my help. She's the one who took care of me when I was young, because mom was too busy with work. Now that she's old and she can't work, I need to return the favor. Not just because it's the right thing to do, but because I love her just the way she loves me.

Aiden is still quiet. But I know he's thinking. I reach for his face and caress his cheek and kiss him. Eyes still close.

"Please look at me." I plead. "Please don't feel rejected. Please Aiden."

"Why can't you marry me? Do you love me, Alyana? Tell me." hurt is evident in his voice.

What should I do?

"I love you Aiden, but I need to work. I need this job."

"No, you don't need to work. I can provide you. I can buy everything you need." he looks miserable. Like he is fighting in war he knows he can't win.

"Aiden, I am asking for five years. You promised me you can wait, and I promise, I'll marry you. I just desperately need this job."

"Can't you hear me? I said I can provide everything. What else do you need? I can buy it right now." he seems to lose his mind. It's not what I am asking.

He runs his hand through his hair and tug at the end. He sighs so loudly then then rub his hands up and down his face. I never saw him like this. He looks so lost. Like a lost child who can't find his mom.

"Aiden, that's not my point. Spoil me with loyalty, I can provide myself." I grab his face once again. "Please, Aiden."

"I am loyal, don't you see it? It was just you, only you." his eyes are dull and hope is not there.

"Just give me time. Please. This does not mean I love you less. Don't feel this way." my voice is soft and cajoling.

"Alyana, I.. I.." he stops..

He's hurt, and I put that pain on him..