Red Lilac

Chapter 17

"When I hold your hand, I feel so strong, because my entire world is in my palm."

--Unknown

***

Aiden look at me with troubled deep blue eyes. The normal light from his eyes are now replace with rejection and pain. I want to slap myself.

Why do I am making this hard for him--for us--if deep down I want to marry him. I want to be with him.

"Aiden.." I reach for his hand, I squeeze it."Please, let's take it slow."

He is silent and I know he's thinking deeply. A moment had passed before he finally speaks.

"Take it slow, Alyana?" he finally looks at me. "How can I take it slow if your.. Oh God!.." he lift his hand in the air and drop it and lift it again like a conductor of music in an orchestra. Then, he runs his hand through his hair for the a hundred time tonight.

"I'm sorry, I just want to.." I seem too lost for words.

"You want to what? To know my limits? How far can I go?" His is voice a little higher.

"No, I want something. Something.." I blush. "I want to take this relationship to another level. You get what mean?" I bow my head once more. I feel too shy. I can't look him straight in his eyes.
"I just want to show you how much I love you."

"You are showing enough love to me, Alyana. You don't have to do it for me. If you only knew. I die little by little-everyday--just to stop myself from doing that. And here you are.. Showing me your killer body. Oh God, do want to know how hard it is for me?"

I look at him. He grabs my right hand and presses it in his crotch.

Oh lovely Friday! He's steel hard. Hard, for me. How can he take this?

He took my hands away because I can't take it alone. I can't move my hand away.

"I'm Sorry," I murmur.

"Alyana, I want to do it. You want to do it, but let's get married first."

"I thought, Americans are not old fashioned." I tried to lighten up the mood. And he smiles a little, but it didn't reach his eyes. Though, it makes me breathe a relief.

"I thought Filipinas are traditional." he smirks. Thank heavens he's back! "Alyana, think of it." I almost didn't hear it. But when I look at him I know he said it based on his eyes.

"If you don't want to have kids early, I am okay with that. But as my wife, the moment to get pregnant you will stop working." he seem to recover his hope. He is so mercurial. How can he change his emotion in matter of seconds?

I let my body fell on his all white soft bed. My toes still touching the carpet and I stare up at his ceiling. Wife, our child. Those words tugs at my heart. Am I ready for this? Aiden gazes down at me. His face is still a little sad.

"You impossible woman." he lie down beside me. "Some other girls are planning their wedding right at the very start of their relationship. And here I am, trying my best to convince you that it is not that bad." he put his face at the crook of my neck and inhales deeply.

"I will think about it. Okay?" I put my arms around him.

"If you say yes, I'll let you choose the date of our wedding. I'll let you decide when is the right time for us to have a child, their names, even where they would go to school. Where would we live, everything Alyana. Our fate is in your hands."

Oh my God!

I am too stunned. What should I say?
I bend over so my face is just inches away from him. I kiss him passionately.

"Ask me again the next time I'll seduce you." I grin. "And please, be romantic once in a while. How can you propose without a ring?"

Now he smiles, the smile that reach his eyes. He cupped my face and kisses me once again. He rolls together with me so I am beneath him.

"I've got the ring part covered."

What?

"Is this your 'by hook or by crook' thing?" I am incredulous once again.

"No not exactly, I am just planning of kidnapping you and dragging you to the aisle." my eyes widen and my mouth fell open.

"I am just kidding." but his eyes give him away. He is serious about kidnapping me. Oh my Godness! I scowl at him. He just gives his most innocent face.

He's impossible!

"My clothes suits you." his eyes are now blazing with love.

What? Where's the confused man earlier?

"Err.. Let's sleep? We got a long day tomorrow." he nods.

He rolls over and lies beside me once again. I reach for his hand then I intertwined our fingers together as I stare in his eyes.

"I love you, Aiden. Good night."

He tugs me closer and settles his head in the crook of my neck. I hug him back.

"I love you more, Alyana." he whisper.