wanderlust (edited)

Chapter Eleven: Confessions and New York Silence

Chapter Eleven:

Confessions and New York Silence

I think it all started with Go Fish.

Josie decided we all needed to play a round of cards, and all of us needed to interact with one another.

She acted like a mom, and hauled all of us around her small kitchen table. I was squished in between James and Josie, and Hunter was directly across from me.

Caesar declared that he'd "beat the crap out of us at Go Fish" and James told him there was no way, as he was evidently King of Cards, and so it was decided we play such a game.

It was around the middle of the intense match, and I had sixes in my hands, and knew that Hunter had the other six. It took all my courage to say just a few measly words:

"Hunter, do you have any sixes?"

"Nope," He shook his head, "go fish."

We all knew this was a lie.

"Oh my—Hunter stop lying you little brat!" Caesar joked, thumping his cousin on the head.

"Not like it's the first time," The sarcastic remark escaped my lips before I had time to register the words.

Everyone's eyebrows raised in curiosity.

"Really?" Hunter huffed angrily, "you're really going to bring that up now? You didn't even give me a chance to explain what happened!"

Suddenly all the anger that had boiled in me over the years erupted and words were pouring out of my mouth without any thought:

"Explain? Ha! Explain what?! How you made a bet with your friends to see if you could have sex with me? You were a dirty liar and manipulator and I thought you loved me! If it was all a misunderstanding, or if you had any real, genuine feelings for me you would've explained everything then hoped with all you had I'd take you back! But you didn't do anything! You ignored me, and didn't even care, didn't even ask me how I was in January!"

"How could I?! With Parker guarding you with his life then he cheated on you and you begged for him back! I felt so useless and pitiful and angry and I did love you, Tara! I loved you with all I had and I still do and I can't get over you! I tried to confront you so many times, but Kara and Sadie and Noah and Parker stopped me anytime I got even remotely close to you. I never gave up. Then I saw how happy you and Parker were. And then I felt betrayed, but I was glad you were happy. I deserved it, right? Then he cheats on you and then you go out with Noah and now James? Tara, you're all I ever wanted, but your boyfriend's sitting right there and I have no words left to say."

Suddenly it was very, very hot in Josie's apartment.

I rise from my seat, but before anything, any little substance in my body was dying to escape. I run to the bathroom, and quickly kneel before the toilet, and heave. Shakes rack through my body, and everything I have just erupts out and into the water. I have nothing left to give, but my body keeps dry vomiting, and tears fall from my face.

The door shuts and locks, and cool hands pull my hair back from my face.

"It's gonna be okay, Tare," James assures, brushing my hair with my fingers. His legs are wrapped around my kneeled body, "I love you. You're fine. I'm not going anywhere."

I keep dry-heaving. Nothing helps. I start to choke, but begin to slowly recover. Eventually, I stop vomiting, and rest my head against the cool surface. I fall asleep to James's voice saying, "It's okay, Tara. You'll be fine. You are so loved, my dear, so loved."