Words I'll Never Say

♥{83} Betrayal

July 2nd 2017, 22:02

Loving someone that didn't love you back is one thing. But loving someone that pretended to love you back is a completely other thing. It makes you question every look, every laugh, every word and every touch. It makes you feel insecure and unworthy of love. It keeps you wide awake at nights thinking why someone would be so cruel to you when you haven't done anything wrong to them. Just how could they hurt you when you have been the one swallowing their sadness and numbing their pain? Why did they lead you to think that they could care?

And while you were craving their presence, they were craving your attention. That's the thing about people who only love themselves, they don't realise they're hurting the other person. And even if they do, they just don't care.

But you know what's even worse? Knowing that you made them a priority while you weren't even an option to them. And just like another worthless object, they'll throw you into your cocoon of vulnerability and despair.

I wish you didn't tell me you loved me when you knew that you didn't mean it. How could you tell me that you love me when you knew that your heart belonged to someone else? How could you tell me that I'm your world when you knew I'm nothing more than a fling? I knew you were bad for me but somehow I was willing to give everything I've got to you even if I ended up shattered and alone in the end.

Now here I am, losing sleep over you while you're sleeping pretty well, with a whole other woman on your mind. Now here I am crying over you while you're making another woman smile.

And just like that you'll move on with your life, expecting me to do the same. But I know that I can never stop thinking about you. Whenever I see your name, it trips me up, even if it's one that belongs to many others. Heck even if you belong to someone else. I know you are the symbol of my weakness, my Kryptonite. How you rush in like wildfire and burn through everything I worked so hard to build since you last left me in ashes. You are the one who haunts my lonely mind at 3 a.m and my busy life at 3 p.m. I set myself on fire for someone who only stayed to watch me burn. And that darling, is the tragedy of betrayal.

However, I'm scared. I'm scared because, even after all the hell you put me through, I couldn't hate you. I was unable to. So I hated myself instead; you made me hate every word I've ever written, because every fucking word screamed your name, and you made me hate every inch of my body that you've touched. Oh I hate that sweet spot on my collarbone that you had claimed yours.

My God, I'm scared. Because even after all this, there's that deep little part in my heart that is still waiting to welcome you home.

~ Zeina