If There's Something

Chapter 5

  I couldn't believe it. Was it even possible for my entire summer to be ruined in the first hour that I spent in the farm house? Was I not allowed to even check on my horse without being ambushed by half-undressed girls and Rush who had obviously grown up in ways that I wasn't ready to – at least without the right guy?

I could feel my heart breaking in my chest as I made my way up to my room, passing Levi who was sprawled on the couch, sipping cola from a can. He looked up and even tried to talk to me but I ignored him and stomped all the way to my room, shutting the door loudly when I got there.

I belly flopped onto the bed and screamed into one of the fluffy white pillows.

I knew I had been dreaming as a kid for Rush to notice me as more than his friend's little sister or his childhood friend who treated like a little sister himself. Back then, I had been kidding myself. I had nothing to get his attention and he had no reason to even look my way – I know this sounds narcissistic - but now I was hot. I had the looks and I had the body of a girl who was noticed by guys. And it hurt even more because Rush had been the only guy I had ever loved. No matter how many guys I had dated in middle school or Tucker or Tucker's teammates who had hit on me, it had always been Rush. Even when he ignored me or cut me off, it was still him who I had feelings for. As stupid as it sounded, I had saved myself for him. I had never gone further than second base with any guy and that was probably one of the things that drove Tucker crazy. I never let him go further and I never gave him a reason, no matter how much he asked.

But from the looks of it, Rush was a professional in that department. He knew what he was doing and judging by the indifferent look on his face when I had seen him, nothing fazed him. He was having a good time and that girl had had a good time and even the look on my face couldn't change that.

"Far," Wes's voice came from outside.

"Go away!" I called out. "I'm busy!"

"Busy doing what?" he asked, popping his head through a small crack in the door.

I scrambled up in bed and turned to glare at him.

"Are you okay?" he asked, letting himself in.

"I'm fine. Just leave me alone," I muttered and flopped onto the bed to stare at the inside of the canape covering my bed.

"Your face is beet red, princess," he pointed out. "Tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong is that I never should have come here with you, Wes," I snapped. "Whenever I come back here, I feel like a fucking child again and not in the good way. Everything and everyone here is messing with my mind and I don't want to be that child again. I don't want to be begging for attention here, too."

"Then don't freaking beg, Far!" he snapped back and I gaped at him. "Stop living for everyone's attention and start living for yourself because I know you have it in you. I've seen it so stop living in this smokescreen world that you've built for yourself and start being you."

And with that, he turned around and left me alone in the room again, my heart in my throat and tears in my eyes. I knew that he said all those things because he loved me and I knew he meant the best, I also knew that he was right but it still hurt like a bitch.

I watched him walk toward his room and I caught a glimpse of Rush as he disappeared into his. Levi lingered in the doorway, looking nervous and a little scared.

"You gonna come in or stand there all night?" I asked, knowing he wanted to comfort me.

That was Levi. The sweet one. The one who always took my side no matter what. The one who fought for me and always let me cry on his shoulder. I wasn't sure why he had stopped contacting me but I missed him more than I'd admit. And if Rush was going to be a jerk, maybe I still had Levi to talk to.