My Niqab Story

3. Baby Steps

"You do not become a believer or a non-believer overnight"

After that Ramadan, I was adamant on changing my life, on leaving behind what was of no benefit to me. I had plenty of time before college to ponder over my next steps.

I broke up with make up, my phone's camera, the hanging outs, all the social media websites. I refrained myself from listening to those songs that make you feel like you've been through the exact same heart breaks even though you might be single since birth. I didn't stop listening to music completely at that time but I did delete each and every song from my playlist. I did mourn over my songs' death at that moment but afterwards I felt pure bliss. I still used to listen to music if someone told me so but I repressed myself from pressing that play button with my own hands.

I started reading Quran more and more. I started listening to Islamic lectures and each one of them made me realize something new everyday. They gave me new reasons to stay rooted to my decisions. I took baby steps but I never looked back. All it took was that firm decision, that hold on my self, to reach where I'm now.

I busied myself with a lot of things. I'm very grateful to my cousins from Canada and Saudi Arab, they came to Pakistan and I spent the best summer of my life with them. And then the most dreadful moment of my life came and that was the 10th grade result. I was always a shining student. I always topped all of my classes but that one result was all it took to crush my mothers expectations like glass scattered all over the floor. It wasn't that bad, actually it wasn't bad at all but it was below our expectations. That's why it is so wisely said "No expectations, no disappointments". Since, I already was the master of the trait called optimism the only thing I got out of it was that I didn't really do anything to please Allah at that time so why was I expecting Allah to please me. Even though Allah is Ar-Rahman*, no matter how much we refuse to prostrate in front of him he's still providing for us day and night. But I thought why should I be disappointed when I, myself, didn't submit my will to Allah. That's the meaning of being a Muslim right? Submitting yourself to Allah. We're calling Allah our Rabb* which means we're ultimately calling ourselves His slaves. We're disobedient towards Him yet we still think we're in a position to complain to Him when we aren't granted what we wished for?

After that, I dedicated myself to please Allah. I had a friend who used to say that if we submit our will to Allah, He will grant us what we want and also what He wants but if we don't submit our will to Allah we're in no position to be granted what we wish for and in the end we'll be given what only Allah wants.

I didn't get into the college me and my mom wanted. Even my best friend (now ex best friend) wanted me to go to that college one way or another so she would accompany me there some how. But I don't really know how I decided to go to the college that wasn't really close to my place and my mom didn't even agree on that then, but right now it feels as if that college was one of the best things happened to me cause none of my school friends got into that college, not even my best friend ( now ex).

I concluded that if I wanted to change, I needed to change my environment too. If I'm stuck with the same people I used to sin with, I won't be able to refrain myself from doing it again. So then I met new people, new beginnings and new faiths.

A/N:

*Ar-Rahman: The most merciful.

*Rabb: Lord, master, sustainer, leader , ruler etc.

Wow... I'm almost surprised with myself for updating within a day.

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