My Niqab Story

8. The Reward.

"Is the reward for good anything but good?"
-often posted by  thisgirlmaha

There's one thing my poor brain failed to understand, that is what does wearing hijab or niqab has to do with you being engaged or simply you being committed? When I asked few of my friends to take my pictures off from Instagram or Facebook because I've started doing niqab they asked me the same question, "Why? Are you engaged now?" Or "Did someone tell you to do so?" Yup that someone was my heart and it has a very serious relationship with my brain. I've seen dozens of girls starting to wear abaya and hijab just because their significant others told them to. You, my dear friend, have a delusional disorder. If you can't do something decreed by Allah for Allah then don't bother to do it for anyone else. One of my friends even started praying just because her boyfriend told her so and I've seen her parents telling her to do the same thing for centuries.

Before this turns into a dis track about my friends, I'd like to mention that I do have a lot of friends that support me more than I can ever imagine and have the same views as me.

My mother adopted the attributes of our WiFi , some days she would be okay and some days she would be off. Like really, really off with me. She couldn't bear the embarrassment of her daughter hiding her face from men of her father's age and knowing very well the persistence of her one and only daughter, she decided to take extreme measures.

One day when I was leaving for my class, I didn't know what got into her but she started scolding me out of nowhere. She threw words at me like pans and plates ranging from, "I wish you were never born." to, "Go die." She said that if I wouldn't stop doing the niqab she'd make me. She said she won't even let me do hijab if I don't listen to her. I did what any normal person being in this situation would've done, laugh hysterically. I really didn't know what to do. I had never seen my mother this aggressive before. But there's one thing I knew and that is I couldn't back down. I've already promised Allah. I said I won't stop. Then she did what she could think of at that moment. She took my pins. My niqab pins. I laughed even at this, even though it really affected me. I only had one pin for hijab and I needed another to do niqab. Just before I got out of the house, a thought came to me. There was a pin I lost and had been looking for since a long time. But I just got an intuition that it was in my bag at that time. I searched my bag and found it at the exact same place I thought it was and quickly did my niqab.

Even after all this I didn't leave my house without my niqab on. But this got me really anxious. My mom was actually pretty serious. Then I did what an actual normal person would do and that's turning to other people for help. There was this Islamic group on Whatsapp that I was a part of. I messaged it's admin, telling her my entire situation. Her reply melted my heart. She first quoted one of the Hadiths referring that if anyone wants you to disobey Allah, you won't listen even if that person happens to be a king. And then she said if you're being coerced to the point where you've no choice but to comply then you won't be held accountable for that. She said that the better way was to avoid going to functions but my mom made it clear that I'd have to go with her without niqab no matter what. I was still clueless as to what I was suppose to do but I believed in Allah and I knew he'd make my situation better.

Two months before the grand wedding, a whole sun lighted inside my head. I had to find a way to persuade my mother. My 11th grade result had yet to come in few weeks so I told my mom that if my result comes out to be more than what you expect, you'd let me do niqab everywhere. But if it's not satisfactory then I'll do whatever you say. It was a great risk. But I believed in Allah so much. Some where deep inside me, I knew I was doing right. I got a feeling that this would work. But my mom wasn't that happy after hearing this. She said how could I be this sure. How do I know if I'll win this bet. I actually didn't. But you know I had to act all smug in front of my mom so I was like, "You'll see."

Everything depended on my result now. There were times when I was really nervous and then there were times when I was really confident. But I promised myself that no matter how this all turns out. I wouldn't let it affect my iman. I would still believe in Allah with all my heart because he knows and I don't. 

You know what the best part was? My result was on my birthday. And this birthday was the most memorable birthday of my entire life.

On my result day, just few minutes before my result had to be released online, I was praying Dhuhar. I thought why should I wait for my result and offer nafl prayer then, when I know Allah would never disappoint me. I offered nafl prayer too that I would've offered after my result in order to thank Allah. I'm a pretty big risk taker, so I came up with another of my wonderfully stupid ideas. I asked my mom to see my result first.

Her face was stoic. She showed no expressions, good or bad, regarding what she was seeing on my phone. I grew impatient so I took the phone from her hands and saw my result with my own eyes. It was even more than what I expected. I got the highest marks in my city, in computer sciences. I couldn't believe it. No matter how confident I was before, I still couldn't believe it. But this wasn't my reward, not at all. This was just a tribulation because sometimes Allah tests by giving and sometimes by taking. To all of those out there who feel they aren't talented enough, Allah is testing you. This world is a test and by grieving on your lack of talent or on the fact that you worked really hard but your result wasn't satisfactory, is actually failing that test. If a person is granted a very beautiful voice and you're upset on the fact that you have a horrible voice, let me tell you this that if the person with a beautiful voice decides to become a singer then you're way better than that talented person. Actually, you've a reason to thank Allah. For each and every gift that we are given by Allah, we would be held accountable. And the efforts matter the most, regardless of the result you're granted in this world. A person more talented than you, would have a heavier burden on his shoulders on the day of judgement. Thank Allah in every situation.

My mother didn't permit me to wear niqab instantly. It still took some time. But I used to tell her again and again that all this is because I worked to please Allah rather than just wanting to please Him. I even told her that if you stop me from doing niqab then Allah might not do the same as what he's done for me and you. 

My real reward was the fact that my mom after all my efforts, finally allowed me to do niqab. she didn't say it out loud but she just stopped protesting. That was my biggest achievement. I know my mother and I know when she decides something, it's final. My iman grew even stronger cause I knew it was only Allah who could change her mind. Cause when Allah decides to soften a heart, no one can stop that from happening.

A/N :

Assalam-o-Alaikum,

This was one of my favorite chapters. I hope you all gained something from it in your own ways.

Have a nice day!