Dedicated to MahumZia, user37801777, GulzaibKhan5 and all of my other friends.
"When you're granted the coolness of eyes, you don't feel suffocation anymore."
When I started hijab at weddings, I knew I would be number one in desi Aunties' list of top hot gossips of the month or I don't know maybe of the entire year. But I didn't pay much heed to it. Turns out, my mother didn't take it too well. She was already against my hijab and when her poor heart was hit with the news that these aunties thought I started hijab for attention particularly for marriage, so that I would be granted the privilege of their precious, diamond-like sons noticing me, she pleaded me multiple times to stop doing it. I failed to fathom how they came up with this. Like why would I cover up for attention when clearly I'm trying to look as seclusive as possible.
My mother always had high expectations from me. She always told me to study hard, become something and work for our family. Basically, she wanted to see me on the top of the world. Imagine the shock my beloved mother went through, when her only daughter came up to her declaring she'll be wearing niqab for the rest of her life. Yeah, doesn't sound so well. But the fact that she was half-asleep and I was rushing to get to my class served me pretty well and just like that I temporarily escaped from her wrath.
When I entered the class with my cousin, I still remember the faces of few girls. Baffled. Utterly shocked. I went up to one of my best friends and said, "I couldn't hold myself anymore." My close friends were happy. They knew me enough not to get surprised on my frequently baffling actions. I was pretty determined last night but no matter how much I claimed to be confident and independent, I was still a little hesitant when I put the niqab on that morning. I still remember the feeling when I was sitting in class and shaytan was urging my hands to just take my niqab off. But I knew that it'll all be worth it, I'm doing it for Allah's sake and there's no turning back. People kept asking me why I did it. I was already so nervous that I just said, "Why do other people do it?" I even told some people that if I was in a foreign country and a non Muslim was asking me this question I would be more than pleased to answer but what should I reply when Muslim people living in a Muslim country are asking me why I'm wearing a niqab. People asked me what led me to do it. That was a pretty long story you know, it took six parts to cover all that. So I'd just say that it's not a one night story. It actually took me a year to start niqab and then hijab after few months. Things after things became the reasons for this. And all those little reasons together made me do it. When I came back home I was so happy that my mom held herself back. She wasn't happy but she wasn't being too persistent.
My college friends supported me so much that my love and respect for them grew tenfold. I would never forget them. They stood by me when my own family didn't. One of my friends, when she saw me struggling with my niqab, brought me a scarf cap. I never used one of those before. But I'm so grateful to her for this life-saving piece of cloth.
I felt even more closer to Allah. My niqab was the embodiment of my haya towards Allah. I wanted to do it right. So when my mother saw me even doing it from the men in our family even the ones as old as my father, she went all ballistic on me. She forbade me from doing it at weddings and from the men of our family. And of-course me being my glorious stubborn self refused to abide by her orders. My mom is usually amazing. She's like my best friend but I wouldn't blame her for any of her actions. I just announced my niqab out of the blue and nobody around her was doing it so she was really confused. She felt embarrassed when I did my niqab in front of our family men, especially older ones. There were a lot of people that would be like, "oh you've started niqab that's amazing Ma Sha Allah. What? You're going to do it at weddings too? C'mon don't you think that's too much". Like seriously?? Why would I waste so much time pondering over it if I could take it off according to my convenience. What would be the point of doing it then?
And then there were people that clearly filled to the brim with altruism cause they thought I was suffocated inside. They'd ask me again and again if I'm feeling hot or if I'm having trouble breathing, I reply to them with the same words I started this chapter with.
My mom was bottling all this inside, and then came the wedding of one of my best friends after few days. You guys might be wondering why do we have so many weddings, well, we're brown people, everyone gets invited. So I did the niqab there but I didn't feel out of place cause nobody really knew me. But my mom, my cousin's mom (my cousin was there too cause this best friend was also her friend) and few other girls sitting at the table made fun of me. Not in a blunt way of course, but since there was a partition for women and there weren't really any guys around they kept asking me who am I covering from? "It's not like they are looking at you." I don't understand, a lot of people say that to me till today that why do you have a niqab on when that particular person isn't even looking at you and not likely to take notice of you. Like there eyes would definitely ask for my permission before, even accidentally, looking at me. I told all the people at our table that I can see them. I wanted to say much more but I kept quiet. My cousin's mom even said, "It's just the trailer wait for the entire movie." But none of the words affected me. Actually I became more sure of my niqab. At every point when people opposed me or looked down upon me, I became more positive, more encouraged regarding my niqab.
When we came back home that night, I told my mom that niqab is not from anyone, it's just for Allah. Having those men at the wedding within my sight, was enough of a reason to do niqab from them. My mom kept repeating the same thing, "You're not going to do niqab at any of our close relatives' weddings and from men of your father's age, that's final." I just laughed it off and said that the more you reprimand me the more I get the urge to do it better. But little did I know she was actually very serious this time.
A/N:
Assalam-o-Alaikum,
I hope this was enjoyable, atleast.
But most importantly I hope that it's beneficial.
Have a nice day!!
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My Niqab Story
Spiritual"The deeper you are in the dark, the more desire you feel to be in the light and the more you are familiar with the light, the more efficiently you'll embrace it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- 0% Fiction 35% Humo...
