"Everyday, you're granted a new opportunity to prepare for your final test."
My hijab became my prized possession. If it were a person, I'd definitely share the chocolate at the end of my ice cream cone with it. At every point, I felt even closer to Allah knowing that now my head scarf is not to hide from the world, not to hide from the defiled eyes of strangers but just because it's decreed by Allah.
I left music completely. I used to dance before too but I left it just before the start of my college. At this point I was thinking of niqab. Every time when I'd spot a niqabi, I would look at her with eyes filled with wistfulness. I so badly wanted to do it, but something at the back of my mind always kept me back. Whether it was my mom's wrath, resentful eyes, anomalous assumptions I didn't know. I would justify my actions by saying I'm not ready. But still every time I'd look at a niqabi, I would get hit by this huge wave of aspiration to be in her place.
Another part of Allah's plan to guide me was reading a book*, during this time. And that book was life-changing. It was a novel and it was not just entertaining and suspenseful but it also contained golden lessons of morality. In short, it was a story of a girl transitioning from open hair and expressive clothes to loose abayas and just uncovered eyes. The part that encouraged me to do niqab was the part when the lead girl decides to do the niqab. In simple words, she is sitting in a debate room and there's a debate going on, on whether the niqab is mandatory or recommendable. Two women debate on it with their scrutinized evidences. But then the third woman comes and she says, "I'm not here to tell you if it's mandatory or not, I'm just here to share with you what I feel. We often compare the akhirah* with examinations. In these test papers few questions are easy for people who start to cry rivers of joy on just getting passing marks. Then there are some questions that are a little bit difficult for people who want to do better and then there some pretty difficult questions for position holders. Just like that, there are some questions in our final paper that are compulsory yet just for getting passing marks like the fardh Salats. There are some hard questions in order to score more in the akhirah. By practicing only what's fardh means you're doing only 30% of the paper, yet you aren't even sure if you're doing it right. You probably made thousands of mistakes in that. Niqab is also a question. So why shouldn't I do it when in the akhirah, people would be dying to come back in this world and do at least one more good deed in order to pass. So why should I let this deed go to waste." **
This book hit me hard and a lot of things became clear to me. You might be thinking that I started the niqab right after reading this but no it still took a lot more than that. It still took myriads of internal conflicts, long night battles and looking into space because the only one who can convince you is you, yourself.
A/N:
*book: It's called "jannat kay pattay ( leaves of paradise), I think it's available in english.
*Akhirah: Afterlife
** Her words weren't exactly that but this is what she was trying to say
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Jazak Allah; Have a nice day!
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My Niqab Story
Spiritual"The deeper you are in the dark, the more desire you feel to be in the light and the more you are familiar with the light, the more efficiently you'll embrace it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- 0% Fiction 35% Humo...
