Dedicated to Tadashi123098 :)
"Haya is not just in your eyes, but in your every move. Even the way you walk represents how modest you are."
After I started my hijab, there was one thing I noticed. You may not believe me or think I'm just over-analyzing but I actually felt it. Every single time when I would forget to wear hijab like while going to the balcony for something or opening the front door, there would be no non-mahrams around and every single time when I wore it at the exact same places, there would be people around. It felt so good. As if Allah Himself was taking care of me. There was not a single time, after I started my hijab exclusively, that a non-mahram saw my hair. I don't know if every hijabi or niqabi notices this. But I definitely did.
It was not just that book which inspired me, there were some pretty amazing people too. Apart from the inspiration I gained by just looking at every niqabi I came across, there was this girl. She's my junior. We used to go to college together and she was even in the same tuition program as me. This girl was (still is) one of the most amazing people I've ever met. She was a niqabi and everything about her seemed perfect to me. She always and I repeat always used to smile and laugh. She was like a little kitten determined to make everyone's day by her irresistible cuteness. She knew so much. She had so much haya that I felt like even the way she's moving her hands while speaking shows how modest she is. She is like a little sister to me now. But there's one thing about our bond. It's different from any other relation that I have. We're not related, we don't have that typical friend's bond too but rather it's our deen* that connects us. We connect on a spiritual level and it's so different than all the other worldly relations. The same emotion shines in our eyes and the same fire ignites in our hearts.
The phrase "Haya should be in your eyes" has deluded more people than doraemon ever did. And that thing has deluded kids all over the world. It should go like, "Haya should also be in your eyes". Who am I kidding? I was deluded too. But to all of those girls that think haya is in their 'eyes' and they don't need to cover up. Let me tell you this, if Allah is in our hearts and He's closer to us than our veins then why do we need to pray? Actually Allah doesn't need our prayers. It is we, who need to prostrate in front of Him. This is how we were created. Human beings forget things. We might know Allah is our lord, He's the best of planners, Allahu Akbar*, Subhana* Allah but what happens is that whenever we're hit with a calamity, we tend to forget all that and not to mention the amount of tranquility Allah put inside each Salah. I can't even imagine getting through my day without praying. It keeps me sane, it's a reminder to me that I have a Creator who guides me and takes care of me. Just like that when we think that modesty is in our eyes and we don't need to cover up, we tend to forget it was even there. You might be repeating to yourself, "Haya is in my eyes, it's in my eyes", but whenever you'd spot a good-looking guy, your hormones will do the harlem shake. I even remember the times I used to believe that Haya is in my eyes and still checked boys out like pieces of meat. But hijab is like a barrier, a reminder that I need to have Haya in my every move. It was difficult for me to lower my gaze before. But after hijab and then niqab, my eyes automatically lower themselves.
The girl mentioned above inspired me but still I didn't start the niqab right after meeting her. She provided impetus to my aspiration for niqab but it was some other girl that made me go to that extent. This girl was in the same grade as me but different college. We had the same college van so we used to go together. In my 11th grade, she was just like me, extremely talkative, wearing abaya and hijab. But in 12th grade I didn't see her. I thought that maybe she left the van. But one day a niqabi was talking to someone close to me in the van and I recognized her voice almostly instantly. She was the same girl from 11th grade yet she was so different now. She talked less and wore a niqab. That's when it hit me. I thought if this girl can change like that, then what's stopping me?
After few days, I was praying Isha* one night. I kept sitting on the prayer mat for a few minutes and just thought about what's stopping me? I wanted to give myself one logical reason as to why I'm not doing the niqab. I thought of all the people that would judge me but I knew they don't matter. I only have to be accountable to Allah. Then I thought of all the consequences like jobs, taking exams but then I concluded that if Allah wants, I would get a job either way. Then I thought of marriage, my mom always told me that I should choose my husband myself, but then I figured it doesn't matter if I do the niqab or not, whoever I'm going to marry is written in my fate already. I'm going to marry him either way. Then I thought what if I start after marriage, but then I didn't know if I'd live that long, I didn't even know if I would have been alive the next day. I wanted this deed to be written in my name before I die. I wanted to answer this question before the day of resurrection.
That night, I failed to give myself any logical reason and the next morning, when I opened my eyes with new found determination, I knew there was no turning back.
A/N:
*Allahu Akbar: Allah is the greatest.
*Subhana Allah: Allah is perfect.
*isha: last obligatory prayer of the day.
*deen: Religion
This one's pretty long, so sweet dreams guys. :D
Jazak Allah, have a nice day.
YOU ARE READING
My Niqab Story
Spiritual"The deeper you are in the dark, the more desire you feel to be in the light and the more you are familiar with the light, the more efficiently you'll embrace it." ----------------------------------------------------------------- 0% Fiction 35% Humo...
