My Niqab Story

9. All Worth It

"You choose, you mix, you silt, you knead, you bake at different temperatures, but in the end, it's all worth it."

I was ecstatic.

Yet at the same time I was a nerve wreck and that's saying something coming from someone who claims to be confident. Claim being the keyword here. But that day seemed so unreal. I used to dread at the thought of attending any wedding without my niqab and here I was granted the permission to keep my niqab on. Everything was so overwhelming. I knew I would be the only person there wearing a niqab. I knew everyone would think I'm crazy because in my family, hijab and niqab are just to hide from the strangers of this cruel world and it is totally acceptable to take off your hijab and niqab at a wedding. If you're wearing a scarf or covering your face just to hide from people then that's not called hijab or niqab. You're just hiding from people, some people. When I used to wear just hijab while going out, there were people asking me why I don't wear a niqab when everyone does. And then when I did start the niqab they were like, "Really?? At weddings? Who does niqab at weddings?"

"Uh-uh perhaps a Muslimah??"

But overall, I was really happy.

When I entered the wedding hall with my niqab on, it was another one of the big experiences I've had. My cousins already knew what I did to be able to wear this, so they were pretty happy. Some people were shocked. My cousins' mothers really supported me. They even used to tell my mom to give up stopping me already. One of my aunts said something that melted my heart.

"Beauty is dripping off from you."

This was the best complement I ever received. All the complements I ever received about my hair, my makeup or my dress seemed so trivial as compared to this.

Some people did laugh at me, some made fun of me, not blatantly but who cares? Yes there were girls looking incredibly beautiful, including my cousins but I knew deep inside that this is how Allah wants to see me. I felt relieved, accomplished,  satisfied. I had no words or actions to thank Allah for what he granted me. I felt true peace. I was relieved at the thought that I actually gave up something for Allah. There were people that gave up their entire lives. People that endured thousands of tribulations. I used to think how would I be able to stand with these people on the day of judgement when I can't even give up my desire to sin?
I know what I did was not even nearly equal to what the past people did, it maybe a drop in the ocean but at least it was a drop. I'm not perfect. I still have a long way to go. I still sin, but I make sure to repent.

There were non-mahrams around, even though they were far and not really looking at me but I couldn't take my niqab off. My cousins sitting with me at the table told me multiple times to take it off just a little so you can eat. The niqab covered my mouth from beneath too so I couldn't eat. They made fun of me but it was just friendly. They really wanted me to eat but I wanted to say to them that no I can't. I don't want to compromise the only thing that I know I'm doing right. I don't know how much I've done good deeds. I don't even know if I've done any. This was the only good deed that I know I'm doing and that's being written. That's why I want to do it the best I can. I can give up food, it's no big deal. But I don't want take my niqab lightly at any cost. I wanted to say so much to them. But I don't know why I didn't say anything. I think I was still overwhelmed. But I hope they know now.

A lot of things happened in my life, a lot of things that I wasn't proud of and caused me immense pain but in the end every single pain became the reason for my betterment. Now everyday, all I try to be is a better version of my own self.

Cause you know, Everyone experiences pain but what makes us different is using it either constructively or destructively.

The End.

A/N
Assalam-o-Alaikum and jazak allahu khairan for reading my story. Please let me know it if inspired you in any way. I would really appreciate it. I hope you guys give me feedback. I really enjoyed writing this.

And if any breathing soul out there liked my writing, I want you to know that I'll be writing a fictional story in a few months. So stay tuned.

Have a nice day!