Good Omens One Shots

The Height

I watch as Aziraphale struggles to grab a book from the top shelf and I set down my glass of wine on the coffee table. I get up and saunter over to where he's standing and reach over him to grab the book. I hand it to him and he blushes while saying, "Grassy ass." My eyes go wide as I ask, "What?" He gets all diplomatic and answers, "It's thank you in Spanish, Crowley." I bellow, "For Satan's sake, please stop learning any kind of languages from those kids!" Zira looks at me and ponders what he said, "Oh, dear. Did I say it wrong? Adam said it's grassy ass. If it's not grassy ass, than what it is, Crowley?" I laugh and say, "Angel, it's pronounced gracias." Zira tries it and realizes he prefers Adam's version so he takes to saying it, everywhere we go.

After he reads his book for a good three hours straight, we go to our usual spot at the Ritz and enjoy a four course gourmet meal. He tells the waiter who refilled his wine, "Grassy ass." The waiter looks appalled and starts turning to look at his ass. I watch, and after taking a sip of wine, he looks back at my angel and says, "My ass is not grassy, sir." He walks off with complete indignation and I spew the wine I was drinking due to how funny the occasion was. Aziraphale looks at me with those innocent looking eyes and I say, "Dammit, angel. Why you gotta do that to me?" He simply says, "What?" I shake my head and after miracling the huge red stain away, I tell him, "No more grassy ass, please I can't take it anymore. It's too damned funny." Aziraphale looks at me with a beautiful smile and answers, "That's why I say it, to make you laugh." I blush, and he reaches out to hold my hand across the table. I don't retreat, and we go sit on the St James Park bench and talk about whatever we wish.