Path To Realization (Fighter's Den, #4)

Chapter 18 - Asher

PRESENT

My body buzzes with anxiousness as I slide my boxing gloves into place and shake my hands out. Nate comes up behind me and starts massaging my shoulders rapidly, making the experience painful instead of relaxing.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I grumble at him over my shoulder. "Are you massaging me or trying to break my bones?"

"I'm so fucking nervous." He doesn't even hear me, massaging harder. I grunt when his thumbs press into my spine. "Are you ready? I don't think I'm ready. It's not a professional match but it's pretty fucking close. This is worse than when I fought pro for the first time. Can you breathe?"

"Can you?" I smack his hands off of me. "Get it together. Jesus."

"Sorry." He shakes his head as if snapping himself out of it. "How are you so calm right now?"

"This is child's play, Nate."  I remind him glumly and lean against the ropes of the ring. I eye my contestant with a scowl. "I won't even feel this match."

"You're that confident?"

"Nate," I shake my head. "You don't know what kind of fights I've been in, man. The men I've fought were some of the most ruthless and cold motherfuckers. Fighting with them meant using every survival instinct I had so I wouldn't die in the process. When you fight like you could be killed at any given moment...this right here is nothing."

"Jesus." He mumbles and eyes me curiously. "But you seem kind of off. Like something's bothering you. What gives?"

"I just want to make sure I'm not being recorded. I know they put the ban in place but you never know who'll try to sneak some shit in."

"How come you're so adamant on not being recorded or broadcasted? I get you're worried about the Asesinos finding you but it's been eight years. What if they've moved on?"

I pause, not answering him right away. He looks so genuinely hopeful for me that I feel like the shittiest fucker, undeserving of being his friend. Not only am I hiding what's happening with my birth parents but now I'm also hiding that I'm fucking hopeless for his twin sister. It feels like I'm betraying him now that I told Aria I'm going to claim her sweet ass once I figure my shit out and he deserves to know about it. I don't know how long it'll take before I can actually be with Aria the way I want and not this what if shit but I shouldn't be hiding it from Nate. He's been unfailingly loyal to me in all the years I've known him and forgiven me for the worst, even when I admitted that I was a killer.

I look away so I don't have to meet his gaze and continue lying to his face. I settle for the partial-truth because I need to give him fucking something. He deserves that much and hell of a lot more. "Christian is AWOL. He's not in New York and if he's looking for me then the last thing I need is to plaster my face on television and give him a first class fucking ticket to find me."

The pause after I speak runs so long that I look behind me again to make sure he's still there. I grimace a little when I find his pale face staring back at me. He looks shaken up as hell and I don't blame him. "He...he's still after you? Even now? What the fuck is wrong with these people?"

"They're not people." I remind him sourly and stare down at the ring. "They're monsters."

"Fuck." He whispers. He runs a hand through his hair and swallows hard. "What if something happens to you?"

"Don't worry about me." I cross my arms and pull in a much-needed breath. "I can hold my own. I taught myself how to for this very reason. I always knew it wasn't over and that this day was inevitable. I guess it's a good thing I'm ready."