Her Inner Strength

The Beginning: Early Years and my First Memories

I was born October 22nd 1997. A baby (obviously) with a head full of hair. That's all I know, I was there, but I don't remember it. I do know my grandma (Dad's mom) and my dad were there in the room with my mother. Remember that, it's a small tidbit for some moments later on.

My mom and dad's marriage didn't last that long. I was only a few months old. She ended up packing up while my dad was at work and taking me to Florida with her and moved in with the guy she cheated on my dad with. I still don't remember it, obviously, I was a baby.

The day my dad got custody of me, I was about a year old. I very vaguely (could be a dream too) remember being passed from family member to family member, they hadn't seen me in forever. I remember a weird room and someone... singing? Into a microphone? A song by lone star playing in the background? I'm not sure. I wouldn't consider that my first memory, I still don't know if it was a dream or an actual memory.

Dad had a girlfriend, Amber or Michelle? Something like that. I'm not sure. She had epilepsy. We were at the fair and she started having a seizure while she was holding me. I just remember being at the hospital? With my uncle? I think. One of dads girlfriends was named Alaina and she had a son named Jeremy, he hit me in the middle of the head with a handled claw Halloween basket for bouncing a bouncy ball that looked like the earth at him.

Dad took me to Disney. Before we left, we went to visit great grandma and grandpa Lute, grandma gave me a pillow she made herself. I remember so many lights as we drove down. I remember the radio playing Linkin Park. I hear that song today and I can recognize it from that time.
We spent time at the parks. A Bugs Life in 3D scared the shit out of me. I liked the tree of life. There's was a HUGE tortoise, The Little Mermaid kissed my cheek! A character handed me a rock. Dad told me it was petrified elephant shit after I licked it. Somewhere in the closet, there's still a photo album of pictures from our trip to Disney.
I missed my mama and papa so we went home early I cried so hard I puked all over my soft sun moon and star patterned night gown. I cried even harder because I forgot the pillow great grandma had given me . But the hotel mailed it back and all was well.

One time, dad got drunk at one of Mama and Papas fires. The house phone we had wasn't the greatest. I was sitting on my dads lap and the leg of the chair snapped and he fell backwards, I was unscathed. I don't know what triggered my dad to do it but he got up and started smashing and stomping on this house phone, throwing it on the ground and absolutely destroying it, I joined in and he was laughing.

Dad used to race a car in the "Detroit Iron" class at our local race track. I remember Mama carrying me piggyback to the beer barn and playing in the rocks. The bleachers were old and made of wood, often times, I would get splinters. One time, dad won a race, I remember dads buddy Josh scooping me up, a beer in one hand and me in the other and running down to the gate behind the flag stand, in the picture of dad with the checkered flag, you can see Josh in the background with me in his arms.
Dad and I would go for rides in his truck just for fun. Or we would go to his friend Sharon's barn and help her. We got a beagle dog named Hunter. Dad got me a blizzard from McDonalds but while we were out of the truck, the dog ate it. One time, I decided to give the dog a bath. When dad came in, we were both shivering in the bath tub.
We had a Berta fish in a fish bowl, dad needed to clean the bowl so he put the fish in a cup of water and then he decided we were going to go for a ride, when we got back, the fish had flipped out of the cup and was clear across the room, but it still lived.
As soon as I could hold on, my dad took me everywhere with him on the back of his motorcycle. Nowadays you couldn't do that because too many people are distracted with their phones while driving.

I spent lots of time with Mama and Papa. One time, mama packed me a lunch in a Wendy's kids meal bag and I went for a ride in Papa's semi truck.

I'd fall asleep on Papa's lap a lot. I would also snuggle up with Mama on the couch and watch Courage the Cowardly Dog show until adult swim came on. I slept between mama and papa.

Mom came up from Florida with my sister and her new husband. She said she was going to have a baby, we said we both wanted a brother. It was in fact a boy.
I remember chasing dandelion fluffs across the yard wondering if they had come from where my mother was. Wishing, I had a mom. I was a super imaginative child. For a while the wind scared me.