Why Me?

39. Our New Life

Since the day I told Ryuuzaki and my mom I wanted to be hospitalized, my life changed. Though this time, it was for the better. Yes I couldn't lie and say it was easy, because it was far from easy. I struggled with the memory of what Hanzu did to me that day. It made me feel disgusting and dirty.

Though I learned to put it in the past and slowly move on. Ryuu stood beside me while I did this, his hand holding mine as did my mother. If it wasn't for both of them, I probably wouldn't have fought so hard. It was their love that made me want to fight to keep living.

I spent six months in the hospital recovering back then. Ryuu and my mother both came to visit me daily. He even was kind enough to bring me all my homework. I was already very far behind in classes, but after my mother spoke with Mr Nakahara, he agreed to let me continue my lessons from the hospital. That was until I was ready to rejoin the school once more.

Even Ryuu got back to his schooling. Though I hated the fact I missed him graduating his senior year for being in the hospital. He understood though, he came to visit me wearing his grad gown and cap. He looked so handsome in my eyes.

Even Miyuki and Toshi would come to visit me when I was in the hospital. Those two are now an item, and freaking impossible to separate from one another.

Once I was better in the hospital, I returned back to the group therapy. I was bottled up again, but I remembered how good it made me feel to share my troubles. So I opened up on my recent attack. It was hard to share and tell others I was too weak to stop my ex from raping me. Though on one side, it did feel good to talk about it.

So I bet you are all wondering where I am now. Well let me share that with you all.

It has now been seven years since the first day I met Hanzu Atsumu. seven years have passed since he got me cutting myself. Since he caused my first suicidal attempt.

Five years have passed since the first day I met Ryuuzaki Amano. Five years now since my second suicidal attempt.

Even with how well I am doing, I know that any sudden moment I could fall backwards once more. Days when I am upset or emotionally troubled. Those urges to physically harm myself, still come to my mind. But I haven't physically cut myself since that day. Not since the day Hanzu raped me.

I know many want to know, what about Hanzu? What happened since he got arrested that day. He was sent to jail, he was eighteen when he raped me. Making himself an adult, while I was still a minor. So with it against my will, he got locked up over it. This made me feel safer once I left the hospital. I was so scared that I would once again run into him.

Then we heard it on the news one day. Ryuuzaki was with me, when the announcement came. Hanzu Atsumu in his jail cell, committed suicide. There was a note next to his body that was found. All it said on it was the one small word 'Sorry'. I didn't know how to feel after that, did he kill himself because he couldn't be with me. Or because he felt sorry and terrible for all the pain he caused me. He told me that day, he was going to kill himself after I ended my own life so we could be together. Was this the only way out he saw?

Unlike him thankfully, I had strong pillars next to me who guided me back home. A part of me wished he could have gotten better, and moved on from me to live a life. Though another part of me was happy, that I wouldn't have to see him ever again.

But let's move onto the main reason you are here. To know what am I doing in life now? What Ryuu is doing?

Just thinking about that guy still makes me smile. Five years after meeting Ryuuzaki Amano, we are still together.

Ryuuzaki is now twenty two years old, as well as enrolled in the college he always wanted to attend. He got in with a soccer scholarship, and naturally he is still amazing on the field. Still a huge jock, and one of the best players on the team. Just like high school, he is one of the popular guys on the college campus. At times I hate it, when I always see him surrounded by girls. They ask him out all the time, and it pisses me off.