Madeline

Chapter 31

Little Matthew was born about ten minutes after the midwife arrived. The woman, Ruth didn't have a chance to do much but actually deliver the baby, but Anne still seemed grateful she was there. She did a good job of hiding it, but I could tell she'd been worried about Keira coming through alright. Not that I could blame her, of course. There had been several times when I'd been scared out of my mind and had prayed it would end differently than it did for my mother.

Thankfully, Ruth seemed to think everything was fine, and to my astonishment, I'd been one of the first people to hold Matthew. Even before Keira had the chance. Ruth checked him over quickly and got him crying before she handed him off to Anne, so she could continue to tend to Keira. I watched as Anne began cleaning him up, amazed by how she knew exactly what to do. It was probably a silly thing to be impressed by, considering how many newborns she'd taken care of in her life, but I wouldn't have had a clue where to start. I'd never seen such a tiny little person before, and screaming as he was, I would have been afraid to touch him and make it worse.

After a few moments, Anne asked for my help and before I knew it, the baby was wailing in my arms, seeming even more delicate than before. His little scrunched up face was red from screaming so hard and he was shaking some with the effort. I stood there, awkward and totally frozen, terrified that I would drop him or break him while Anne turned away to get a few things. When she looked back at me, she laughed and told me to relax before showing me the right way to cradle him. I did what she said and was surprised to learn that it felt natural. Actually, it felt incredible. I smiled down on little Matthew and thought he must be the most perfect baby in the whole world.

My happy little moment didn't last long. Before I knew it, Anne took Matthew from me and brought him over to Keira. As I watched them together, I couldn't help feeling a little sad. It was ridiculous, of course, but in those few minutes where I had him in my arms, I'd started to feel connected to him. I even thought he was calming down a little for me. But he wasn't mine. I wouldn't know what to do with him if he was. Keira did, of course. Exhausted as she was after everything, she knew exactly what to do, even while confined to the bed.

Soon William was called into the room and the rest of us left to give them some privacy. Reed and I headed outside for fresh air.

"How are you?" he asked as we walked.

"I'm..." I had to think about my answer for a second. It had been such a strange day. "Good," I finished simply.

Reed chuckled. "Are you sure?"

With a smile, I nodded. "I wasn't expecting anything like today. Just some last minute planning and spending some time with you."

"So the boring stuff then?" he teased.

I laughed. "Not boring, just not so surprising. But there was the party and seeing my sisters and Rebecca...meeting my nieces." I shook my head, still feeling a little astonished that it all happened. "And then everything with Keira. Today was the first time I ever held a baby, or had even seen one."

"How did it feel?"

"It was..." Again I had to think about how to answer. "Wonderful," I decided. "Like I never realized there was a part of me that would want to hold a baby."

We stopped walking and Reed watched me for a moment, looking thoughtful. "You know, we haven't talked about kids yet. How do you feel about them?"

"Well, I've only really spent time with Keira's children. I love them, but it's a little scary to think of having any myself."

The actual process of childbirth seemed terrifying enough, which I was all too aware of now, but that was only the first step. Even though I'd casually thought about having children before, it was in that distant, someday maybe sort of way. Thinking about it practically and possibly happening soon, was very different.