May's anthology

Wonderland? -Paranormal prompt

Oh, no, not again.

It feels like my heart is about to shatter, and all the tears I am holding back will erupt like a volcano, ready to drown me in one huge wave of utter sadness.

This shouldn't be happening. I thought this would be the solution to all my problems. That my tears will finally run dry. I was hoping that I would be able to be happy for the first time since my childhood. Instead, here I am, crying over my sad childhood, over my broken heart.

It starts like this every time, a tear here and there that I can quickly brush away. Then, more of those little traitors try to escape my soul, and I let them go. I let all out because I know that the price to pay if I don't is too high. I am not ready to pay the steep price of agony.

As I struggle to breathe through the sobs that are closing up my airways, I can't help but wonder why didn't it work. Shouldn't Wonderland be...well, wonderful? Shouldn't it erase all the sorrow? Mend all the broken pieces?

Granted, perhaps trusting that a deep hole above, which it said 'to Wonderland' would lead me to that place of magic, wasn't the best idea I ever had, but I just wanted all of this to stop. I wanted my heart to stop breaking, repeatedly every time I remember the pain.

Other people suffer. Other people die. Yet they don't seem to spend hours sobbing when they least expect it. They don't get headaches from being unable to stop.

Then again, how do I know? Maybe they do. They are just hiding it well.

Behind my happy face, behind my positive words, I hide mounds of pain. Maybe other people do that as well.

Running away was a bad idea. I should have stayed and faced my pain. But how could I resist the temptation of that one perfect place where all the bad things are washed away?

I guess Wonderland is not wonderful, after all. I wish it was, I do wish that I had finally found my escape, but alas, I must face the pain.