Beautifully Broken

Chapter 13

We found a small beach side cafe that I never even knew was here. To be fair, I rarely went near the hospital and it was a bit out of the way of the main town.

It was a cute little place, nestled on a cliff top there were tables and booths inside, but also a large outdoor deck that had amazing views out over the ocean. 

As the weather was perfect, we naturally decided to sit out where we could admire the ocean. A young waitress not a lot older than us, took our order and we sat peacefully watching the view in front of us while we waited.

"I love watching the ocean. It's the one thing that is always a constant in our world. It's always there, and even when it's rough and angry, it's still beautiful. When it looks it's calmest, there's a danger under the surface, like its hiding true pain. Yet, despite all of that it has the ability to make us feel good, it draws us in despite the dangers. We voluntarily enter, even if we can get hurt, because it's too beautiful not to. Most of all, it never gives up. The waves just keep coming." I said softly, getting lost in the view in front of us.

Tyler didn't reply. I didn't expect him to. I glanced at him, he too was watching the water, each wave crashing over the one before. He looked sad, seeing his little sister couldn't have been easy on him. The spell of the ocean was broken when our meals were placed on the table, we thanked the waitress and turned to eat. Me enjoying a warm Greek lamb salad, Tyler a burger and fries.

We ate silently, then when our meals were nearly finished, I decided it was time to break the silence. "So is Madi going to be ok?" I asked cautiously.

"In time. She is going to have a lot of surgeries; she needs skin grafts on her burns. Physically, she will mostly recover, but she will be scarred forever, there is only so much plastic surgery can fix. Mentally, I don't know, how can we know that? She seemed to be in good spirits today, maybe she was just happy to see me. Aunt Nessa said she has nightmares every night though. I'm not surprised, I'm probably more surprised she talks at all after what she went through. What we went through." He took a slow sip from his coke, allowing me to digest the small amount of information he shared.

"Do you want to tell me what happened? You don't have to. But if you want to talk, I'm here..."

"I don't want you to see me differently. I don't know what's going on with us, but I'm scared that if I tell you, then you won't want to know me."

"Tyler, you didn't run away when I told you about Garret. I have plenty more messed up shit in my life too, that I'm still not ready to face. Whatever this is, you and me, we need to trust each other. I don't know why, but in the short amount of time I've known you, you make me feel safe, you make me feel like I can tell you all of my secrets and you won't judge me. I want to be that person for you too."

He looked me dead in the eyes, I could see he was processing all that I said, working up the courage to speak. He glanced around at our current surroundings.

"Let's walk, I saw some steps down to the beach." He suggested.

I left some money on the table to cover our meals and we walked out, indeed finding the stairs to the beach that Tyler mentioned. We followed them and once on the beach found a spot to sit. He stared straight ahead, watching the waves.

"Madi and I lived with my mum. My dad was Harry's dads' brother, he was in the Army and died 5 years ago during his last tour, he was meant to be home for good 2 months after he died. Madi was just a baby, my mom didn't cope very well. Aunt Nessa was always there to help, but mostly I raised Madi and tried to keep mum straight." He paused, allowing the small amount of his family history to sink in. Taking a deep breath, he continued.

"For a few years she was doing really good, I started to enjoy high school, life was good, I had great friends and even a girlfriend for a little while. I guess I was having too much fun living my life because I didn't notice when she spiralled out of control again. She started using cocaine and I think she was seeing someone, and he got her addicted, I don't really know for sure." he ran his hands through his hair, dropping his head down, trying to control his breathing. 

"Anyway, I pulled into the drive after school, it was the last week of school before summer. Before I even opened the door, I could hear them. Madi was crying hysterically, Mom was yelling and screaming, I couldn't make it out until I entered the house." He gulped and I held my breath. 

He was telling me about the worst day of his life, the day that his life changed and yet he was still somewhat calm and his voice steady.

"Mom, she was in some kind of drug induced psychosis. Madi was cornered in the kitchen and mom was yelling and screaming about her being the spawn of the devil. She had a knife she was waving around and some gasoline in a small bottle. I don't even know where she got it. I tried to calm her down, but you can't talk someone out of that. It all happened so fast, there was so much screaming. She had squirted the gasoline around the kitchen a bit onto Madi and lit a match. The room lit up in flames so fast as I ran in. I don't think my mom even saw me at all. I could just hear Madi's screams and she was all I worried about, I don't know how but I managed to get her through the fire and into the shower before the burns could get any worse. Her skin was melting, and I just tried to remember anything at all I was taught at school about burns." His voice was quivering now as he remembered the day, the pain, and the fear. 

A few tears fell silently, and I reached for his hand, he let me take it.

"Thankfully, a neighbour heard the commotion and called 911. When the flames went up, my Mom had run outside with the knife. The police arrived, they just saw the knife and determined that she was a threat. They shot her, didn't kill her, but she is in hospital too. Only she is in a coma and on police guard, we don't know if she will ever wake up. If I'm honest, I don't think I want her to, she tried to kill Madi. She destroyed our family. We weren't perfect, but we had each other."

"Shit Tyler." I whispered. "I'm so sorry you have had to live through this. No one deserves this." 

"I should have seen the signs sooner though. Then it might not have gotten so bad." He looked at me, with tears falling.

I turned to him, now kneeling on my knees by his side. Firmly, I said to him, "None of this is your fault. You're not the adult here, it wasn't your job to look after your mom. You saved your sister, that is what is important."

"You don't think I'm too messed up to still want to be around me?" he asked softly. I had never seen someone look so vulnerable, I just wanted to hold him and take away his pain.

"I see someone who was dealt a shitty hand. I see an amazing big brother. I see a good son who tried his best. You had a really bad, horrible thing happen to you. It doesn't define you though. It doesn't control your future. I'm not saying things won't be hard, they will be. Day's will be shit, you will have things that will bring back memories. But Ty, you and Madi are strong. I could see it in her today, she has determination. I've known you for two weeks and in that time, you set your pain aside to be there for me without hesitation. Honestly if I knew what you were dealing with, I wouldn't have dumped that on you. In saying that, it tells me what an amazing person you are. If you'll let me, I want to be here for you, I will help you through the bad days, enjoy the good days and help Madi too." 

Through everything I had to say, Tyler watched me with teary eyes. As soon as I finished, his head dropped, shoulders hunched, and he cried harder than before. 

His whole body shook as he finally let out the emotion that he was holding in. Instead of the anger and moodyness that I had come to expect, he was sad. He was letting himself grieve for what he has lost. For how his life has changed. 

I moved back to sit beside him and held him, he let me. We sat like that for a what felt like hours, but it wasn't. Eventually the tears stopped and his breathing steadied.

"Thank-you." Tyler said softly. "For just being here. For listening and for not running away."

"I'm not going anywhere." and I knew it was the truth. We were drawn to each other's pain and somehow I knew that we needed one another.