12. Surprise Abduction.

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"Ichiro, can I talk to you?" Y/N asked, cringing at how unsteady her voice was. Even if all her friends had 'mysteriously disappeared' she still felt nervous talking to her crush because priorities.

"Of course, you can always talk to me Y/N," Ichiro said, giving Y/N his warm vanilla smile that never failed to make her heart skip a beat. "Like every Male Lead, I am perfect in every way, and even though I am generic and bland in every way, girls still fangirl over me because I behave in a way specifically designed to be attractive to lonely women who want to experience the feeling of being loved vicariously through the blank slate that is the Female Lead. And I am also completely unrealistic."

"Thanks, Ichiro, I've needed to talk to someone about what's been on my mind," Y/N thanked him as they both sat down side by side on the roof.  It had been a couple of weeks since Y/N sought comfort with Elliot, and she hadn't seen him since. Homura had also mysteriously disappeared. Y/N tried not to be worried, but as weeks passed she felt paranoia creeping over her.

"I-I have just been feeling really uneasy lately," Y/N said, fiddling with the hem of her generic schoolgirl skirt as she tried to gather up the courage to confess her worries to her crush, (who conveniently was also the only member of her friend group who had yet to disappear. It's almost like the author is saving the most brutal and also the most generic death for last.)

"I don't want to be paranoid, but at least thirty people have gone missing in the last couple of weeks, all coincidentally went to our school, and I can't help but be worried," Y/N said with a look of generic worry on her face. "Elliot and Homura are among the missing and I just can't help but feel like something horrible happened to them. And then there's my stalker who has been leaving more and more unhinged letters for me who is most likely connected to all these disappearances in some way, but since I'm Y/N in a Yandere x Reader I obviously lack the basic cognitive ability to put two and two together and figure that out."

"Don't worry Y/N, I sure it's nothing," Ichiro said comfortingly not fazed by Y/N's fears at all. "This is the point where if we were normal thinking people, we would naruto run to the nearest police station, but since we are generic anime protagonists who live in a generic anime world, we are going to be completely unbothered by the strange goings-on so that the generic plot can keep steamrolling on, leaving realism in the dust."

Noticing that Y/N still looked a bit unsettled Ichiro placed his hand on Y/N's shoulder. "If you're still bothered by this let me walk you home. I wouldn't be fulfilling my sacred role as the Male Lead of I didn't walk you home at least once."

"O-Ok, thanks," Y/N said as she blushed, suddenly feeling shy. "Since you're the Male Lead I will obviously accept your offer and let me walk you home."

. . .

"Why do you keep looking over your shoulder Y/N?" Ichiro asked as they walked along the sidewalk together. "Do you have a cramp in your neck?"

"No, I just have the strangest feeling that someone's watching me," Y/N said as she looked behind them for the umpteenth time. She let out a small sigh as her eyes landed on the innocent hydrangea bush that had been following so close behind her that its leaves were tickling her heels. "But there's nothing and no one suspicious around so I guess I'm just worried about nothing."

"Even though you are worried about nothing, I will still do everything in my power to keep you safe, because it is programmed into my Male Lead DNA to fight all your battles for you," Ichiro told her comfortingly as they neared her house.

Meanwhile, the Yandere within his 'perfect disguise' clenched his fists in anger. It was not lost on him that Y/N and Ichiro were walking so close side by side that their hands kept brushing together. Oyama was able to control the yandere stereotype that he had been suppressing for over half the book no longer.

Oyama sprung out from his bush. The Male Lead and Female Lead were not started by the obvious rustling sound that the hydrangea bush made, thus enabling the dark-haired yandere to creep up behind them and clamp two cloth rags over their mouths that the bush had materialized for him.

The to vanilla protagonists struggled against Oyama's grip, but they eventually succumbed to whatever was on the rags. Were the rags dipped in some kind of unspecified knock-out drug? Or were they enchanted by a wizard to render enemies unconscious? The world may never know.

"That went exactly as expected," Oyama said as he gently lowered the unconscious Y/N to the ground while letting Ichiro fall over out of pettiness. "Even though I have never studied toxicology and could have easily overdosed my treasured blossom I didn't and both the protagonists will be completely unharmed by this."

The yandere began dragging the pair of unconscious bodies into his hydrangea bush before anyone spotted them. Once they were all concealed within the green foliage of the magical bush, Oyama began walking home, his two abductees unconscious by his side.

A/N

Is this book still funny? I hope it's still funny.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to not be constantly cynical and condescending in my humor. I do my best, but it still slips out sometimes.

Are you excited for Halloween? (I know that I am.)

Until next time I'll see you on the other side

~J. C. Coltt.~

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