Socially Distanced

Chapter 5

Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep, beep. The screaming, demanding sound of my alarm woke me up from yet another germaphobic nightmare. I turned it off and rolled over in bed, wondering if I really wanted to adult today. After deciding that my degree was probably worth it, I got out of bed to get dressed and do my hair. By "do my hair," I actually mean just putting it up in a bun every single day so it doesn't get exposed to any bacteria at school. This was how I did my hair every day. My emetophobia, OCD and germaphobia had dulled my hairstyle into a monotonous bore.

I walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast and noticed that my parents had already left for work.

I know, I know. I should probably have my own place by now, but I just can't do it. I don't feel that I'm independent enough to live on my own, even though I'm almost twenty-two. This is another aspect of my life that my mental illnesses have robbed from me. How could I live alone? What if I had another breakdown and nobody was there?

I shook my head and got out a box of cereal. It was a simple meal, and the best part was it didn't involve me having to repeatedly wash my hands to prepare it. This was a safe food that I could eat without having to touch it. I finished eating and grabbed my backpack. After remembering the horrific events of my vivid nightmare, I double checked that my hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol were safely packed away. Phew, still there.

I left and drove to class, dreading the boring time I would have to spend going over each syllabus. It wasn't helpful. All syllabus week ever provided me with was an overwhelming feeling of stress. I hated being bombarded with information regarding each and every major exam, project and assignment.

I pulled into the parking lot and exited my decrepit car. I headed to class, but not before stopping to wash my hands. I evaluated the classroom. Once again, I was in luck. The back row was virtually unattended. Sitting in the back row wasn't too bad. I was usually the first one to exit the classroom because I was right next to the door. My thoughts were interrupted by two noisy students walking in. One of them coughed as they entered the doorway and I bolted from my seat. I relocated at the opposite end of the row. There was no way I was going to stay planted in that germ cloud. I was fuming. How hard is it for people to cover their mouths once in awhile?

Just to be on the safe side, I was about to get up and wash my hands when the professor started speaking. I sunk down in my seat. My boring day had begun.

After hearing about the endless trigonometry syllabus, it was finally time for chemistry. I washed my hands in the nearest bathroom and joined my next class. I scanned the room and scoffed. This room was set up differently since it was in the science wing. There were several tables lined up with two seats at each one. I chose the table at the very back of the class, thankful that it hadn't been taken yet. As I scrolled through my phone, I wondered who I would get stuck sitting next to for the entire semester. I wished that the seat could remain empty, but each student needed a lab partner for this class.

I didn't have to wonder who it would be much longer. Within a couple of minutes someone sat next to me at my table. I didn't even look up from my phone. Hopefully it wasn't someone who was sick.

"Hey maple syrup! Mornin'!"

There was only one person who it could be. I looked up from my phone, quite annoyed. "Brett?"

"Well good morning to you too. Note to self, do not refer to Mabel as 'maple syrup.'"

I rolled my eyes. This was not good. Was Brett trying to befriend me? This couldn't be happening. What if he gets sick? I will have to avoid him then. This could become challenging.

"Please take your seats at the nearest table! Welcome to Chemistry 101! My name is Professor Miller. Now if you'll each take a look at your syllabus, we'll get started."

I grabbed my syllabus and quickly applied some hand sanitizer. The scent of vanilla coconut filled the air.

Brett looked around the room, then at me. "Did you use perfume or something?"

"Uh-I. It's," I stammered. Should I tell him the truth? I guess it's fine. Everybody uses hand sanitizer once in awhile. "It's hand sanitizer," I concluded.

He nodded. "Nice. Vanilla scented?"

I looked up at him. "What? Um, no coconut vanilla to be exact."

Good thing we're in the back of the room, I thought. I didn't want the professor to hear our banter and call us out on it. He continued on about the syllabus and I tried to pay attention, but ended up zoning out during the majority of it. Brett didn't seem to be interested either. In fact, I think he even fell asleep. I'm glad I'm not the only one who despises chemistry.

I looked over at Brett. Yep, definitely asleep at this point. I debated whether or not I should wake him up. An intrusive thought entered my mind once again. Never initiate a conversation. You need to remain distant for your own safety... for your own health.

I shifted in my chair. It seems kind of mean though, I thought. He's going to get in trouble.

I surprised myself by speaking up. "Psst, Brett!" I whispered harshly. Still asleep. I lightly kicked at his leg. "Brett!" I whispered louder.

Startled, he sat up, trying to act casual. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me with his eyebrows raised. "What?"

Dumbfounded, I replied, "What do you mean 'what?' You're asleep." I gestured around the room. "We're in the middle of class."

He chuckled. "Oh yeah."

I couldn't help but crack up. "You know, you really should be paying attention to a class that you're paying for."

"Yeah, but I don't really know what I want to do yet. However, I do know that this isn't it. I settled on this. I settled on these general Ed classes." He said the last part of the sentence with a mocking tone.

"Same here, but it's still important," I reminded him.

He picked up his syllabus and looked it over. "Where are we at?"

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Right here," I pointed to the last section.

With that, the professor wrapped up class and dismissed us. Brett stood up quickly. "Well, see ya tomorrow map- uh... Mabel."

I laughed. "See ya." Wait, I thought. Why is Brett expecting to see me tomorrow when we sit on opposite sides of the classroom? I probably won't even have a chance to talk to him. I shrugged and packed up my things, leaving class to go wash my hands for the millionth time today.

When I got home I relaxed and watched some more Netflix. Unfortunately my thoughts seemed to be especially distracting today, hindering me from retaining any of today's plot. I turned off my show and decided to go for a walk.

I thought a lot about my classes, especially the ones with Brett. I couldn't let us become close. I had been too friendly today. My thoughts eventually wandered onto something else, but Brett consistently remained in the back of my mind until I got home.

After I made a quick snack I decided to try and focus on Netflix once again. After a couple of episodes, I was sucked back into the plot, my thoughts no longer distracting me. Eventually I put my laptop aside to make dinner. Tonight I prepared a veggie wrap, which was not easy. I had to wash my hands constantly, yet I still avoided actually touching my food. I used a fork to navigate the food onto the plate and I proceeded to eat my veggie wrap with said fork. The struggles of being me, I thought.

I did the dishes and hopped in the shower before eventually going to bed.