Socially Distanced

Chapter 13

     "Wow, Mabel, you really told me your life story just now."

Ashamed, I looked down at the picnic blanket.

"That was really brave of you."

I looked up. "I wouldn't call myself brave, Brett. There are a lot of things I call myself; crazy, abnormal, a lost cause, but brave? No, brave isn't one of them."

"See that's just it, that's your problem right there."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You mentioned that you're a lost cause, and you mentioned that nobody can help you, right?"

I nodded.

"Tell me this; what's the root of your problem? What's the one thing that needs to be fixed in order to make any sort of progress?"

I shrugged. "You mean my emetoph-"

"No. See, that's just it. That's not the root of your problem."

Confused, I looked at him. "What do you mean?"

"In order to fix any of this, in order for you to get better, you need to change your outlook. As soon as you can tell yourself that you're not hopeless, well, that's when you're going to notice that you can beat this. You can overcome this fear. It doesn't have to control your life anymore. It sounds cliché, sure, but it's the truth. You just need to believe in yourself, Mabel. Give yourself some credit. You can do this."

I didn't realize that I had started crying until the tears ran down my face.

Brett walked over and sat next to me. "Did I say something wrong? I was only being honest. I meant everything I said. I hope I-"

"No, Brett." I interrupted. "You didn't say anything wrong at all. You said everything that I needed to hear. I didn't know anyone could be so understanding. Nobody really knows what I'm going through, you know?"

He shrugged. "Everyone has their fears."

"Not like this," I said. "People are scared of things that can hurt them. People are scared of actual, serious things. And you know what I'm scared of? I'm scared of getting other people sick because I don't want to see them... I don't want to see them vomit." I shook my head. "I'm just so glad that you don't think I'm ridiculous. That was something I was really worried about."

Brett was quiet for a minute. "I'm going to help you get through this. He nodded to himself. "You're going to conquer your fear," he said confidently. Suddenly he grabbed my sandwich and took a bite out of it.

I jumped to my feet. "What are you doing?!" I panicked.

"I'm helping you get over your fear."

"No, Brett. People don't just jump right in and conquer what they're afraid of. Have you ever heard of exposure therapy? You need to work your way up to what your afraid of. Spit it out, please."

He did as I asked and I was thoroughly rattled. "You can't do that to me," I sat down and sighed with relief. I put my hand on my chest. My heart was racing.

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to help."

"I know, I know. You just have to ease me into things, that's all. You almost gave my a heart attack. I saw my life flash before my eyes," I said, trying to bring some humor into the situation. "I do appreciate that you're trying to help though."

Brett thought for a moment. "How about this?" He started. "Now that we don't have to be in class at a certain time every day, why don't we set aside some time for exposure therapy? We'll work our way up to you seeing me get si-"

I cringed.

"-We'll work our way up to the scary stuff. Is that better?" He smiled

I nodded. "You're really going to purposely make yourself sick for me? That just doesn't seem right"

"It's really no big deal. To be honest, I do it anyway. Sometimes I just want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, even if it comes with consequences, ya know?"

I started laughing.

Brett smiled. "See, you're already on your way to recovery. Look at you bringing humor into the situation!"

I rolled my eyes at him.

"So why don't we start with something small today?" He asked.

I cringed. "Like what?"

"How about I sit a little ways away and pretend to gag? Would that be okay?"

I wrapped my arms around myself. "I don't know, Brett."

"We've gotta start somewhere," he shrugged.

I nodded my head. "Fine, but only for a little bit, okay? I can't handle much today."

He stepped a few feet away. "Is this okay?"

I waved him away. "Maybe a little farther."

He took a few more steps back. "Is this good?"

I nodded. It helped that Brett was the one assisting me through this. He and I had a connection that I'd never have if I was just meeting with some random therapist. Suddenly he pretended to gag and I covered my face with my hands. "Stop! I can't do this."

"Yes you can! What did I tell you about your outlook on this?"

"That I needed to believe in myself?"

"Yes. Now say it. Say it out loud. Confidently," he added. "I'm not joking."

I sighed and uncovered my face. "I believe in myself."

"Good. Now I want you to stay looking at me, or we're never going to make any progress. Just for a second, okay?"

I nodded. Brett pretended to gag again and I struggled to stay watching until he thankfully stopped a few seconds later. He walked over to me. "You did great! Think you can handle watching one more time?"

"I guess," I mumbled.

"Okay. This time I'm going to stand just a little bit closer." He took a few steps back and looked at me. "Ready?"

I nodded and he proceeded to fake gag again. I didn't look away this time, even though it was totally freaking me out. He did it a few more times, eventually ending each fake gag in a silly face until I started laughing. I was really proud of myself. Sitting through this would have been unfathomable just a week ago. I started to gain more confidence and really believed that Brett could help me. Also, it didn't hurt that the person I was staring at was absolutely adorable. I chuckled.

Brett walked over to me. "Do you realize you're already making progress?" He beamed.

"Yeah, I was just thinking about it. It helps that I have a super cute therapist." I nudged his arm and winked. Where was this confidence coming from? I didn't know, but I enjoyed seeing this side of myself. Was the real me starting to emerge behind the introverted curtain that I had hung up so long ago?