Socially Distanced

Chapter 12

     That morning I jolted out of bed, remembering my picnic with Brett. I checked the time: 9:15. Phew. I had plenty of time to get ready.

I quickly whipped up a couple slices of avocado toast before changing my clothes and getting ready. I paused before putting my hair up into a messy bun. I decided to leave it down due to the fact I wouldn't be in class today. I wouldn't have a risk of anyone coughing on me. I walked back to the kitchen, looking for food to pack for the picnic. I decided to pack a simple meal consisting of a prepackaged, Uncrustables peanut butter and jelly sandwich and a bottle of iced coffee. Juvenile, I know, but I needed something that I didn't have to touch with my hands. I knew that I wouldn't have an opportunity to wash my hands at the park, so this was a safe option. I could eat the sandwich without touching it by holding it with the wrapper. Not the healthiest meal, but I would make up for it later. I would be sure to have plenty of fruit and vegetables for dinner.

I grew increasingly nervous as time went on. I rehearsed my speech in my head until it was time to leave. I packed up my car and drove away to the local park by the river. Brett probably thought it was a romantic spot. He probably thinks this is a date. I cringed.

I arrived at the park a little early and spotted Brett right away. His bright purple hair made him very distinguishable, and I must say, it was looking extra poofy and cute today. I put my hands over my face and groaned. Stop, it Mabel. You can't have feelings for him. You know what you have to do. I slid my hands down my face and looked up. Standing outside the car was Brett. Great. That's just great, Mabel. He saw your mini meltdown.

He waved and I waved back, giving him a fake smile. I opened the car door and stepped out, walking around to the backseat to retrieve my lunch. "Everything okay, Mabel?" asked Brett. "You were looking a little stressed out a minute ago."

I chuckled nervously. "Oh, I'm fine! There's just a lot going on right now, you know, with this pandemic and stuff."

"Tell me about it! I couldn't believe when they cancelled our classes. I remember last year when we had about eight feet of snow, and they were all like, 'it's safe to come to class guys!'" He said in a mocking voice. "Now class is online only for the foreseeable future."

I nodded and smiled. "Yeah, that's what makes this so scary though. This is something really serious. They literally never cancel. We could've gotten two hundred feet of snow, and they would've demanded that we show up to class. Now that the virus is here, they didn't even hesitate to cancel." I picked up my lunch and shut the car door.

"Ready?" Brett asked, holding out his hand.

Oh no. He expects me to hold his hand. I don't have a way to wash my hands. He'll understand though. After all, we are in the middle of a pandemic.

"I thought this was going to be a socially distant picnic, Brett," I said lightly, trying to seem calm.

"Ah, you're right. I got carried away when I saw how beautiful you looked today." He put his hand down. I blushed, looking down at my feet, but was thankful I didn't have to hold his hand. Phew, he bought it.

I followed Brett over to a secluded area, where a picnic blanket slowly came into view. In the middle of the picnic blanket, was a single rose in a jar of water. He's the cutest, I thought. This was bad though. I needed to be honest with him and tell him I couldn't be with him. He was making this so, so difficult. Well, I guess I wasn't being completely honest. I may not be available, however I wasn't actually seeing anyone. I was just emotionally unavailable.

I sat down on the blanket across from Brett. "What'd you pack?" he asked.

I reached into my bag. "Just a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an iced coffee."

"Ooh, my favorite!" he replied. "Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches make me puke though."

My eyes widened and my blood went cold. I tried to change the subject, but he continued, going into detail.

"I actually like them, but I always end up sick afterwards. I don't know what it is. I'm not allergic or anything, but about ten minutes after I eat one, I always end up-"

"That is strange, Brett," I interrupted. I was shaking at this point. No longer hungry, I set my sandwich on the picnic blanket and drank my coffee. I decided that it was time to tell Brett everything that I had rehearsed in my mind for the last twenty-four hours.

The last of my internal walls that had once stood high, all came crumbling down. All that remained was debris scattered on the ground. The walls that had once protected me from forming a connection with anyone, couldn't protect me any longer.

All at once, everything came spilling out. I told Brett everything, except... the things that I said weren't the things I rehearsed in my mind. The things that came out were my secrets; the things that I hid from everyone. I spilled every detail. Every single disgusting fact about myself that prevented me from being normal... all came out at once.

I went on and on, telling him my life's story. I told him about the germaphobia, I told him about the OCD and I told him about the emetophobia. I didn't know why I proceeded to tell him all of this. After all, he wasn't going to be a part of my life much longer. I needed to tell him though. I was able to explain everything once my emotional walls had finally crumbled. I needed to tell him the important reason why I couldn't be with him. I had to tell him the truth; he deserved it. Nobody had ever broken down my emotional barriers before. He was someone special. After a very long and drawn-out explanation, I was finally finished. He knew everything. It was time to face the music.

I looked up at him, awaiting his response.