the gift ⌯ am

happy

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|austin|

     Madison has been on edge ever since I picked up her stuff from her mother’s house. She just keeps bickering about how she feels bad for being a hassle, but my mother loves her company and wouldn’t have it any other way. My mother practically treats Madison as if she was her own. I enjoy it took, just watching my mom get along with Madison. Madison isn’t one to talk much with new people, but she talks with my mom constantly.

      Ever since I asked Madison out if seems she’s been less stressed about how to act around me. She’ll just keep talking and things I never knew she thought about would flow out of her mouth. I just love that about her because she gets interested in something she’s talking about so quickly. Then she’ll ramble and apologize, which sometimes scares me because most likely someone in her life probably didn’t care when she ramble. She felt bad for it, but it did no one any harm.

     As I lay in bed, Madison’s head is buried into my chest and my fingers are running through her long brown hair. Her hair is probably the softest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I could sit her for hours with her in complete silence and still be happy.

God, Madison makes me so happy.

     “What if Sabrina and you just move in for good?” I ask her out of the blue. Madison sighs a bit, a little uneasy about the whole thing. I understand why since Madison and I would both me leaving for college soon and Sabrina would be forced to stay back here. It’d be better if she lives with my mom though.

     “Austin, if anyone finds out about my mom we’ll have to leave her to go get adopted or something. Then we might have to give up each other and I might never see Sabrina again. If someone found out we needed to move because of my mom, we’d be taken away. I already know I’m not going to college anyways. I have to take care of Sabrina-”

     “Madison! You can’t not go to college! You’ve always wanted to be an artist and you can’t let her hold you back,” I cut her off, making her look me in the eyes. “You have a dream, Madison. Somebody has to see your art. I’ve seen it hung around your room, and I know that is what you want. Don’t give that up to take care of Sabrina. My mom would love to parent again. No one will find out.” I had to reassure her too. I couldn’t let her throw away a dream of hers to become a mother right after high school.

     Madison sighs in defeat because the look in her eyes told me she knew I was right. I am right too. I always want the best for her and staying home wasn’t that. I know she’s already sent in her applications, but we’re both waiting to hear back. I’m hoping to become a music teacher because I love kids and music. It’d be fun, and I’m sure Madison could be the art teacher at the same school.

     Then we could see our kids during school, either in high school or middle school. We’d just watch them grow up together, and who knows how many we’ll have. I just can’t wait for my future with her. Fuck, I’m so in love with her and I don’t think she even realizes it. I could basically spend my whole day with her and not get bored. I’d honestly turn down hanging out with my best friend, Alex, to be with her. Which is what I’ve already been doing anyways.

     “Madison,” I whisper as I play with the ends of her brown hair. She seems to look back over at me at the sound of the voice. One eyebrow is raised higher then the other is curiosity, making me smile a bit. Madison may be a teenage girl, but she’s probably the cutest, most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

“What’s up?” she asks softly.

     “I think… no… I know. I know this. I know that I’m in love with you and that nothing and nobody is ever going to change the way I feel about you.”

☯

     At dinner, Madison was pretty quiet. When I told her I loved her, she just freaked out. She left my room and went downstairs to help my mom make dinner. I don’t think Madison doesn’t love me. In fact, I know she loves me. I know deep down she probably loves me so much it scares her. It really fucking scares me, but I understood she needed a moment.

     The thing is sometimes I can’t be so understanding with Madison. Maybe this would be a bad call this time to be mad at her, but when the time comes I’m going to have to get mad at her. And one day she’s going to have to get mad at me. Who knows what for, but I hope it’s over the stupid paint color of our living room or something.

     A lot of people would think I’m acting like a girl and thinking about all this stupid lovey dovey shit, but fuck, Madison has got me thinking. She’s got me thinking like crazy, and I can’t clear my head of her. Everything seems to relate to her and I don’t care if Madison doesn’t say I love you back. I really don’t. She can take all the time in the world, but I am in love with her. I am so in love with her that I’d do anything she wanted. If she wanted a star in the sky I’d get it for her. And that is probably the stupidest shit I’ve ever thought, but fuck it. I’m in love.

     When dinner ended I helped my mom clean up dishes while Madison went to put Sabrina to bed as well as shower. So as soon as the kitchen was cleared my mom gushed to me about how Madison told her everything. Figured. Girls will be girls. 

      I let my mom bicker about it all she wanted, but still I thought about how much I was in love with her. It even made me smile and zone out my mom’s rambling about it. She seems happy with it though because I know she loves Madison. Maybe not as much as I do, but enough that it really counts. She’d do anything for Madison just like me. I was grateful to have someone like my mom in my life. I was so very grateful because she was the best mom I could ever ask for.

     After the dishes were done I headed up to my room. I push open my front door only to find Madison sitting on my bed. Her gaze is locked on her fingers as she fiddles with them back and forth. And I don’t know why, but I’m smiling at her. Cause damn, she’s so beautiful and shy and she makes me feel really good.

“Hey baby,” I say to her, making her look up once again.

“Listen, Austin, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know, Madison,” I cut her off, not wanting her to start rambling again over something I’m not even mad about.

     “It’s not because I don’t love you. I don’t know… I’m just scared because I’m in love with you,” she gushes, and I swiftly press my hand on her cheek and my lips to her own. I kiss her so softly, pulling apart for every slow and soft kiss. I could even get some breathing in and not die from lack of oxygen, and it showed everything we felt. Some passionate, hard kiss wasn’t what we needed.

In this moment, we just needed to feel how much we really meant to each other.