the gift ⌯ am

confusion

|austin|

     "And she just left?" Alex asks me as we make our way home from the game. I was invited to a party afterwards, and I was going to ask Madison if she wanted to come, but she just said she had to go and left. That's all she said to me.

     It’s Madison. I know for a fact she didn’t have to go. She doesn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to go to. Her sister is sleeping over a friend’s, and Madison didn’t really have any. She has me and the guys, and that’s it. Madison didn’t have to leave. She wanted to.

     "Yeah, she just left," I say, sighing a bit. Alex frowns too, patting me on the back to tell me its okay. It isn't though. Once again she seems to leave me confused, and utterly let down. I thought we were starting to really connect. I don't even know how to describe it really. I don’t know what was going on. This girl just left me like this, and it’s starting to get annoying.

      "Go to her," Alex states, and I shake my head. The last time I went to Madison it didn't go well, and I know this time wouldn't be any different. I'm mad. Angry. Let down. Confused. I feel like all I would do is yell at her. Or I might even confess something I haven’t even accepted and confessed to myself.

     "That's not a good idea, Alex," I say softly to him. I didn't do anything wrong why should I go to her?

     "It's romantic. Girls love that shit. Just go, throw rocks at her window, and confess your feelings. It always works, trust me," Alex says, pushing me forward a bit. He continues too, "Go Austin."

     I look at Alex, a little unsure if I really should, but Alex's eager nod told me I should. I decide to at least try so I ran all the way to Madison's house. My feet were not going to stop, and I wasn't going to rethink my decision. I need to do this. I need to talk to her. I need to see her. I need to be with her.

     I need her.


     I get Madison doesn’t want to let anyone in, but she needs to let me in. I care too much for her to watch her just disappear. She is going to continue to open up to me. I don’t care how far into our relationship we go, but all I ever wanted was a friend like her in my life. I can’t watch her slip out of my life just like that. I want to keep fighting.

     When I arrive at Madison's house I am out of breath. I had to lean over to catch it too. When my eyes look back up, I see Madison walking out of the house in a rush, and stopping as soon as she sees me.
 
     Silence takes over us, and I just observe her. I take in her beautiful features that seem to be worn out as she looks at me. I notice her eyes searching my features as well, waiting for one of us to speak. I don’t know what to say to her though. All I know is that I want her. I really need someone like her in my life.

     "Hi..." she says, finally speaking up for the both of us. It makes me relax a bit, but I definitely felt vulnerable. The way she looks at me with her blue eyes gleaming and glossy makes my insides feel cold. It’s this hard stare that is some wall between her and her feelings.
 
     “I know you didn’t have to go,” I say, just wanting to get the satisfaction that I knew all along. Madison sighs at my statement though, nodding her head and agreeing with me. This is rare too because she would usually have this sassy remark to throw at me by now. She seems to be losing her sassy funk. A part of me doesn’t mind, but another part of me likes how cute she looks mad.
 
     “I’m sorry,” she whispers at me. If I could cheer really loudly right now I would because I didn’t have to say it for no reason. Madison had let down a wall, telling me she was sorry for how she acted. “I just… don’t like big crowds.”
 
     “Or do you just not like me?” I speak up, and Madison’s face falls more.
 
     “Austin- no. I do like you. You’re a great friend. I’m just not use talking to boys so… intimidating,” Madison says, looking from the ground to me. Her blue eyes were getting glossy and reflecting off the moonlight so beautifully. Her skin seems to glow too, making me smile a bit about it. But I soon frown, remembering how she called me a ‘great friend’. That just reads friend zone all over it. But why do I care?
 
     Before I can speak another word, I hear a crackle and buckets are poured down on us. It has started to rain, and I had pulled Madison to me. I hid her underneath my varsity jacket, and rushed her to inside the house. I can feel Madison shivering from underneath me so I press her closer to me, wanting her warm. I can already tell she’s starting to get a cold.
 
     When we get inside, I pick her up becoming very protective. I carry her up to her room, wanting to get her into a new fresh pair of clothes. I want her to feel warm. I want her to feel safe. That’s all I ever wanted for her.
 
    I set her down when we get to her room, going through her drawers as she stands there shivering. I grab her a new bra, underwear, sweatshirt, and sweats. I don’t feel awkward by doing this since she is just standing there shaking. She needs new clothes and I am just helping. So I hand them to her, and scoop her back in my arms.
 
    “I-I-I can w-walk b-b-by myself Mah-Mahone,” she says through chattering teeth, but I continue to carry her. I carry her shivering body to the nearest bathroom, and set her inside. I was going to help her change, but I knew she’d feel uncomfortable by that. So I grab her a towel and hand it to her. I then just walk out; soaking wet myself with nothing to change into. So I head into Madison’s room, and strip down to just my boxers. I try to ring out my clothes outside of her window for a little, wanting to get a good amount of water out.
 
     It’s protected so more water couldn’t get onto it. I ring out my white shirt, and slide it back on. It’s still pretty wet though, making me groan. I had to take it back off. I then see my varsity jacket is completely ruined from the rain, but I don’t care. It’s just some stupid jacket anyway. Not like I care about that jacket or my reputation. I don’t care if I’m popular or not. As long as I surround myself with good people I’ll find a way to be happy.
 
     A loud cough interrupts my thoughts, sending me whipping around to find Madison. She has some boy clothes in one hand, and her wet ones in the other. She throws her wet ones into her hamper and then slowly makes her way to me. She tries to keep her gaze low and away from looking at my fit body. But I can see those blue eyes from a mile away. I could definitely see her glances.
 
     “I better go home,” I say, sliding on the clothes she had given me quickly. Madison’s needy nature steps in though. She takes my hand in hers, and frowns at me.
 
     “Stay the night, please…” she whispers, and I don’t fight her request. I smile down at her, leading her to her bed. And honestly that night I’ve never slept so peacefully.