From The Past

CHAPTER 4

LINDELWA NKOSI
This day has finally come. Matric results that are going to change my life. I know my parents want me to go study medicine, they even applied for me. But I went behind their back and applied for a Bachelor of Psychology. I also got TEFSA just in case my parents don’t support me financially.

My half-brother, who is my father’s son, chose medicine and he is studying overseas. He is the golden boy and the trophy of the family. My younger sister is also in love with medicine. She is always watching medicine shows with my parents. Sometimes she even goes to hospitals with them. It’s just me the black sheep who doesn’t like it. Not that saving people is not in my blood, but mental health is more important to me.

It’s 6 am and the door to my room opens. My father gets in with a newspaper in his hand. He likes me, he sometimes shows me his love. The problem is mother. That woman is never satisfied with any of my attempts at pleasing her or the family. She is literally the head of the family because what she says goes and father always listen to her.

Father: “sit up so that we can check your results.” I smile and sit up. I know after finding out where I wanna go study, there is going to be a huge fight in the family.

Me: “I love you dad and thank you for everything you have ever done for me. I appreciate all that you do and I am grateful to have you in my life.” He smiles and comes to sit at the edge of the bed.

Father: “I love you too Mphazima. And your mother also loves you. She might not show it because she is all about ‘tough love’ but she loves you.” If I wasn’t in his presence I would’ve probably rolled my eyes.

Me: “so let’s hear what the results say.” He hands me the paper and I run my eyes around it. I spot our school and search for my name. I scream and jump in excitement when I see the 5 A’s I have received. LIFE SCIENCES, GEOGRAPHY, PHYSICAL SCIENCES, MATHEMATICS AND ISIZULU.

Father: “let me see.” I hand him the paper. He reads it and then cheers for me. He starts reciting Nkosi clan names and I just giggle.
My mother and siblings come in. my brother is back for his leave. His name is Mbusowenkosi. My sister’s name is Thembisile. She is 3 years younger than me. There is also my cousin or should I say adopted sister. Her name is Thembelihle. She is my aunt’s daughter who was my mother’s younger sister. My aunt passed on and mother decided to take Thembelihle in and actually adopt her.

Thembisile: “how many distinctions sisi?” she asks with a wide smile.
Me: “5.” She and Thembelihle scream and I just giggle. Thembelihle is just screaming because she heard Thembisile scream. I doubt she understands what is going on.

Mbuso: “congratulation little sis. I am proud of you.”
Me: “thank you brother.”
Mom: “can you all leave us?” my siblings quickly leave the room. “Let me see that paper.” Dad hands her the paper. She looks at it and then look at me. “Where is English and Life Orientation? Those are literally the easiest subjects. Why didn’t you get distinctions in them?”

Father: “my love look on the bright side. 5 distinctions. That should count. Be happy for your daughter for once.”
Mom: “happy? Really? You think they will admit her at Wales when she failed to get a straight A in English? A mere English? A first additional language?” I frown.

Me: “Wales? What are you talking about?”
Mom: “shut it failure. You failed to do 2 small things. Just 2. Pass your matric with flying colours. Really Lindelwa? Are you that much of a failure and disappointment? Which med school is going to take you if you can’t speak English?”

Me: “but mother just because it doesn’t show on the paper, it doesn’t mean I failed it. I may have received level 6 or 5 in it.”
Mom: “may have. Should have. Could have. All just mere assumptions. Yaz for once I thought you weren’t going to disappoint your family but I guess I counted the eggs early.”

Me: “dad what is mom referring to when she says ‘Wales’?” well I do know Wales. It’s a state in England but I really don’t think that they would send me there.
Father: “we are all moving to Wales month end. We applied for you to study medicine in Swansea University. We are moving permanently. We have even applied for your visas and everything is sorted.”

Me: “but I don’t want to study medicine. I thought I made it clear to you guys a long time ago. And now you are forcing me to move and actually pursue a qualification that I don’t love. Is that parental love to you? What does that say about your parenting skills?”

Mom: “don’t fuckin question my parenting skills Lindelwa. You are going to regret it. Now get this through your thick skull. Every member of this family is moving to Wales. Even your brother got a job there. Your sisters have already found schools that side. You are also coming since you are part of the family. But if you are not coming consider yourself disowned.”

Me: “you can’t do that. Dad she can’t do that. You are the head of the family not her. You can’t let her do that to your own flesh and blood. Dad come on.” He looks down.
Mom: “well princess your words don’t matter. At least not today. So what’s it going to be?” I clear my throat.

Me: “I applied for psychology in Wits and they accepted me. So that’s where I am going to study. I am not going with you in Wales. I can visit you guys anytime but my life is here in South Africa and I want it to continue that way.”

Mom: “you ungrateful brat.” She back slaps me and I gasp in shock. “You disgust me. You are nothing but a disappointment in this family. I am done with you and so is the rest of the family. I am giving you the liberty to pack all your bags and I never wanna see you again. She spits in my feet and then storms out.

Me: “dad you are just going to allow her to do that?” he sighs and stands up. “Dad you are also abandoning me?” he swallows hard and heads out.
I cry for a few minutes and then gather myself. I know my mother. She is evil. She may come back and drag me out. I stand up and go to my wardrobe. I pack all my clothes in bags. When I am done, I go shower and then come back to make my bed. I get dressed in tracksuits and sneakers. I pack my cosmetics. The door opens and dad walks in.

Dad: “here.” He hands me a small bag. I take it and open it. It’s full of money. “It’s not much but it’s enough to get you to Joburg and get you settled before varsity opens. Never doubt my love for you.”

He hugs me and then heads out. I pack the money also, look at my room for the last time and drag my bags outside. When I am about to exit the gate, Thembisile runs to me. She just hugs me and cries. I can’t help but also cry.

Me: “listen, no matter what happens, always know that I love you and I am your big sister. I will never forget you and I will always carry you in my heart.”
Thembisile: “I love you too sisi.” We hug one last time and then we break it.

I look back to see dad standing in his window with Thembelihle in his arms. I don’t wave. I just turn and walk out. I never thought I would leave home this way. I thought they would be rejoicing or even driving me to varsity. I guess life is like that. One minute you have it all, a loving family and a not so loving mother and the next minute you are stripped off that love. I know my mother won’t ever change her mind about me so this is goodbye to family.
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