Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

l.

Aoife

I pressed myself against the wall as the two Guards left the room. The men looked upset and glared at me as they bustled past me, jostling the tray I was holding. I watched them go down the stairs and out the door. Their golden insignia glistened in the light pouring through the large windows. 

“Aoife?” I turned around, the lady was staring at me with a raised eyebrow. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, my lady. I just came by to,” I held up the tray, “give you and the Guards some tea but I suppose. . .”

“Help yourself to it.” She turned around and started walking away. “And tell Maj not to send you up with things for guests unless I specifically ask for it. We will not treat those men with any unnecessary hospitality.”

“Yes, my lady.”

I ducked into the library with Jayen who was sitting on a couch staring off into the distance. I set the tray in front of her and sat down on the love seat next to her. 

“Jayen? Would you like some tea?” I poured two cups of tea, “How do you take it?”

“What?” Jayen turned back to look at me, “Oh, um, just a lot of sugar and enough milk to color it.”

I prepared the tea and handed it to her, the fragrant fruity smell filled my senses, “What were they here about? The Guards I mean.”

“They just had some questions. . .”

“About?”

“Stuff.”

I bit my cheek. Jayen looked distant and I couldn’t think of a way to get her attention, to ground her. “Jayen, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” She shook her head and took a long sip of tea. “Why did you come up here?” 

“Maj asked me to bring up tea for the lady and the Guards. The lady really chewed me out for that, she told me to never bring up anything for guests unless she says otherwise.” I smiled. “Then she told me I could help myself to it so I brought it in here.”

She put the cup down. “They started questioning me, and it just reminded of. . .” She trailed off and shook her head.

“Reminded you of who?”

“Aoife, you’re my friend so I’m asking you to leave it alone, I–I misspoke.” Jayen drank the rest of her tea and stood up. “I should go work on the garden.”

“Jayen please. What’s going on?” I grabbed her hand and was shocked at how cold it was. “You haven’t been yourself lately.”

Jayen turned her head away from me but not before I saw a tear slide down her cheek. “I’m tired. I’m sick of having the same nightmares over and over again. I’m sick of reliving the same things over and over again. And I’m sick of feeling sick!” She yanked her hand out of mine. 

“Jayen. . .”

“Do you know what fucking he did to me?” She spit out.

I stood up, a pit forming in my stomach. “What who did?”

“Jinan. . . Mr. Wideman. . . both of them. Do you know what they did to me? He nearly killed me! I was only eight! I was a child.”

I bit my lip, unsure as what to say. My heart broke several times over to hear the pain and anguish in her voice. The raw emotion she spoke with. “But you’re stronger for it, right?”

“I didn’t need to be stronger, I needed to be safe. I was a child! Do you know what that’s done to me? The fucking scars, the fucking nightmares, and the fucking fear?” Jayen tried to wipe the flowing tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t. . . I didn’t mean to yell. I didn’t. . . I’m sorry.” She choked out. “Where’s my brother?”

“Joshua? He’s in a guest room down the hall, I think.” I grabbed her hand. “I’ll take you.”

She pulled away from me. “I want to walk alone. Thank you though. That’s very kind.”

I watched her leave the library. There was something fragile about her, something that was sitting under her skin ready to break. I just know that if it were to break it would be something unrepairable and she would be just a shell of herself. Her breakdown after the duel was just proof of that. She’d been through so much. . .