Growing Into You (First Draft; Unedited)

li.

Jayen

I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve as I hurried down the hallway. I felt like a little kid again, going to tell my brother about a bad nightmare in the middle of the night. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I feel like this. The nightmares have only worsened since I came back to the estate. I thought after beating Jinan everything would go away and it hasn’t, maybe nothing can fix this. 

I knocked on the door at the end of the hallway. I took several deep breaths in between sobs. “Joshua?”

I heard fabric rustling around and a muffled voice before the door opened to Joshua. “Jayen? Are you alright?”

I couldn’t do anything but sob in response and he pulled me into a hug. I collapsed against him, nearly bringing us both to the floor. He smoothed down my hair and hugged me tight until I could finally breathe enough to choke out words. “Joshua I. . . everything’s too much. . .” I whimpered.

“Jay? What are you talking about?”

“I had my nightmares under control and I–I wanted to come back to the estate to work on the garden but then I started getting them again and I’m tired all the time and–and I nearly. . . I nearly killed Jinan.” My voice shook more and more with each word as if there an aerthquake in my throat.

“Maybe you should take some time away.” 

“What about Alexandra?” 

“Bring her with, I’m sure she’s appreciate a break from the investigation.” Joshua laughed.

“You knew?” I looked up at him, my vision was blurry with tears.

“Well, yeah. Everybody knows back home. That’s probably why she moved here, to get away from the rumors,” Joshua said, “do you want to come inside and sit down on the floor like when we where kids?”

I smiled, “Yeah.”

I let him lead me through the door and onto the plush blue carpet in the middle of the room. We sat down on it and I looked around the room. It looked just like every other guest room in the estate but Joshua had pushed the bed from the middle to the corner of the room and three bags were on top of it, each one had clothes spilling out.

“Did I interrupt your unpacking?” I tried to laugh but I could only make a barking noise.

Joshua laughed, however. “No, I was procrastinating. Do you need some water? I can get you some.”

I shook my head. “Do you think Alexandra would even want to come out to the cottage?”

“I mean, why wouldn’t she? Some quality time in the countryside? That’s a dream right there.”

“Do you. . . think she did it?” I asked, wiping away the rest of my tears, I had mostly stopped crying and I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. 

“. . . I don’t know enough to form a solid opinion or anything but so far, no I don’t.” Joshua ruffled my hair. 

“Do you really think going out to the cottage together would be a good idea? What if we get into a fight?” 

He frowned. “Then you work through it. Have you guys fought before? Do you fight often?”

“No but she’s been a little distant lately. . . I think.”

“Honestly? After Jinan I think you’re really sensitive to small changes, real or perceived. . . And I think she’s just stressed. I sure would be.” He rolled his neck and closed his eyes. “You should go ask her to come with you but I think you should get away for a while.”