heart shaped box

eleven

ʚ♡⃛ɞ
finally we had gotten out of bed, it felt like it had been years since I was out of my small room.

i felt almost awkward, Timothèe was in the shower, I didn't know if I was meant to make him a coffee, invite him to stay longer, or tell him to leave.

or all of the options.

while he was in the shower I decided to search him up, maybe I'm trying to read something bad so I can stop feeling this happiness that we fucked, the fact that I had been all sad for 5 years and threw it all away as soon as he walked into my small apartment.

i went against all my morals. which made me mad at myself, but at the same time, I couldn't stop smiling, I haven't smiled this much since-

"I love you."
my head snapped to my right, pulling my bikini top over my boobs, Timothèe was
Staring at me.
"I love you."
He said again, my eyes widen.
"You love me?"
I asked.
"No I don't, I just said I loved you twice because I don't love you."
He said smiling.
my eyes started to water, Timothèe took two big strides over to me.
Putting both of his big hands on my boobs.
"you don't have to say it back, but I've known for a while now, I love you."
He said.
"why are you saying this while squeezing my tits?"
i asked.
"because they're my second favourite thing in the world."
He answered with a straight face, I started laughing.
"you crack me up timmy, I love you too."
i said, catching him off guard.
"You do?"
He asked.
"No I just said it because I don't love-"
he pulled my bikini top off picking me up quickly and throwing me onto his be-

"I think I used all of your hot water."
i slammed my lap top shut, my memory being interrupted by a very half naked dripping wet man standing in my hallway with a towel hanging loosely around his hips, prominent v line catching my eyes.

"fuck."
i said staring at him shamelessly.
"I also didn't bring any spare clothes but I'm sure I can wear them."
he pulled the towel off, letting me see him.

Turning and walking in my room.
my heart rate has just jumped so high.

i followed him into my room seeing a glimpse of his ass before he pulls his boxers up.

i clear my throat timmy turns.

"so... what are your plans for today? because im working at 12."
i say leaning on my door frame.
"yeah? i have a couple of meetings, but other than that, I'm free after 3."
he says throwing a shirt on.
"I finish at 4..."
i say.
"perfect I'll pick you up after-"
i sigh walking towards him.
"Timothèe, don't you think we should take it slow."
i say, his face relaxes.
"what do you mean by slow?"
He asks.
i search for the right words to say.
"well-"
"you don't trust me."
he mumbled.
"no it's not Timmy-it's just that-"
"after what I told you, after what we did last night, and you still don't trust me-"
"for fucks sake man, let me talk, All I'm saying is, when we started dating we really jumped into it, like fast, so maybe now that we're adults, and I hope smarter then we were before, let's be rational, and smart okay."
i say resting my hands on his collar bones.
"it's not that I don't trust you timmy, but keep im mind, for pretty much 6 years I believed you cheated and ignored me, so my world has sort of turned inside out the last 24 hours."
i say.

He stares at me deeply.
"you can talk now."
i say.
"I understand, what you mean. it's smart to take it slow, because I can't promise you that I'll be around a lot, my job requires me to be absent from my personal life, so you're probably right. now I better be off."
he said.

he grabs his coat from my messy bed, leaving me.

Again.

I'm standing in my empty room alone, I hear my door slam shut.
"what the fuck."
i say.

no, I'm not taking that.

fuming, i stride out of my door grabbing my coat. Opening my door, when someone grabs my hips and slams me against my door, lips furiously connect with mine, panting I push him back.
"I'm not taking that as a goodbye Timothèe, if you're not going to be present you can up and leave me now, but if you want something here, I'm willing to get to know you again."
i say his lips are swollen from mine.

"I want you so badly right now."
be groans.
i think for a moment internally laughing, this man is really thinking with his penis right now, my hand which remains on his chest slides down to his clothed dick.
His eye are connected to mine.
"you're so hard."
i say.
Don't be stupid may.
"Mmhm."
he groans as i slyly palm him over his pants.
"you know what?"
i ask my lips moving right next to his ear.
"what?"
he practically moans out my hand remains on his hard length.
"fuck, being rational and smart, fuck me timmy."
he slides his hands under my thighs picking me up and we end up being stupid teenagers again.

Will I ever get out of this loop.