sunsets after dark. | poetry collection

36. - 40.

36.
Obsessing over Numbers.
The numbers on a scale below me have now lit up my eyes.
Reflecting off the lens of my glasses.
I had gained weight instead of loosing it.
I was going in the opposite direction and
I hated it.
But I couldn't do anything about it.
If I tried a new diet or a new workout.
I would quit as soon as it gets hard.
I do it every time.
Wasting my time and effort.
It was frightening to watch.
I reflected that number in my head
over and over again.
It wasn't the number that scared me it was the thought behind it.
~E, 146.

37.
I don't think anyone will understand how
the little things amuse me,
the getting excited over something,
the being amused by the fact that I could do it,
the absolute joy I get from the progress I've made,
the happy hands and feet,
the feelings I feel,
how I feel and execute them,
because I don't. Either for the same reason or ones I cannot physically explain.
~E, habits of mine.

38.
I'm thinking about my future
as if I won't get to it.
~E, planning my future.

39.
Being Inspected by the Holy Ghost
I was saw and seen
by an authorial figure
that wasn't human in the slightest.
They weren't physically there.
More seen, above and beyond,
Displaying greatness for all to see.
A ghost.
That's what they were
a gist more frightening for those with no eyes.
Unseen and unheard,
they went.
Frightened by life they saw above
analyzing whom they may see.
With judgement they then decided who you were supposed to be.
~E, and they were right every time.

40.
Without a reason.
I won't do it.
Except for when it comes to my own selfish desire.
Give me a reason and I'll do it.
The selfish desire is on an short stick.
It'll only last for so long.
~E, love in my own exception.