sunsets after dark. | poetry collection

326. - 330.

326.
As I try to conform myself to be more acceptable.
More likable.
More normal.
I tried to mold myself to be someone I'm not.
I changed my interests, hobbies, and what made me happy so you would like me.
So I was more normal.
So you wouldn't feel embarrassed when we were together in public.
I dressed more revealing, more scandalous.
So then at least you liked part of me, right?
So maybe then you would like me.
So I was more normal.
I changed myself so I wouldn't be one of a kind instead I would seem part of a group.
All being the same when lined up in a row.
I changed so I would fit in.
So I was more normal.
So I was more accepted.
So you would like me.
~E, normal.

327.
"an angel just lost its wings."
I cut off my own wings so you would like me.
So they would like me.
The blood dripping down my back as I spoke the same words they did.
They never had wings.
Why should I be any different?
I cut them off with a saw, sawing off what made me different.
So when you lined us up, you wouldn't be able to tell a difference between them and me.
I lost my wings so you would like me.
~E, the angel that no longer had wings.

328.
I would love you anyway.
Even if you dragged me through the mud.
I would love you anyway.
I would dust off my knees and pick off the rocks imbedded into my skin and run after you. Waiting for the moment I caught up to you.
Even if you told me the things you've done that you're not proud of.
I would love you anyway.
Tell me your dirtiest secret and let me love you anyway. Thinking that you have changed since the person you were then.
Deluding myself with the possibility.
Even if you left me all by myself.
I would love you anyway.
I wouldn't blame you for leaving me, thinking something or someone caught your attention more than I ever could.
I wouldn't blame you I would urge you to go in their direction to go after the person you wanted.
(More than me.)
Even if you didn't love me.
I would love you anyway.
You need my love so take it. Take it in small portions to much larger ones. Take what you need.
Let me love you for the both of us.
Even if you didn't treat me right.
I would love you anyway.
I would live in my head. Drowning in imaginary scenarios in my head hoping, praying that one would become true.
Let me love you anyway.
~E, loving someone like a dog.

I wrote two poems based off of one poem. You decide which one you like more

329.
V1
"I know love exists because I exist and I am full of it."
I shared my love to the world for those who didn't have it themselves.
Either their own self love or love they haven't yet received from other people.
I am the embodiment of love.
Whenever strangers stare I smile at them.
Or when I pass by beautiful women I tell her that I think she's beautiful.
Even if I get nervous around her.
Babies smile and stare at me.
I make weird and funny faces at them so they would smile.
Dancing in public or humming to a song I know in the grocery store.
I am the embodiment of love.
I love to give love but how I crave to receive it myself.
~E, in the same increments.

330.
V2
"I know love exists because I exist and I am full of it."
I once thought that love didn't exist.
I thought this as someone I had loved with everything I had left me for someone else.
I thought that love wasn't for me.
Even if I was the only one loving.
I tried to love for two people.
I looked for love from people who didn't love me.
I thought love didn't exist.
But love exists because I exist.
I am overflowing with the love I give other people.
When I should try to love myself with the same love.
Since I am full of it.
~E, love exists because I exist.