Tanner and Esme

Chapter 5 (Tanner): Crushed

"I didn't know who else to call," Esme said to me, apologetically, a few days after I'd proposed we get married. "I'm sorry."

"You collapsed, Ez. Walking out of your class, you collapsed. You should have called me."

"I've been throwing up a lot. The doctor said I might have...oh, geez, I can't even remember how to say it. It's a medical term, and I was still a little woozy when he said it."

"Hyperemesis gravidarum," I told her. "He said you sometimes have to be hospitalized with that."

"It'll be OK." Her assurance was anything but. "If you can give me a ride to my dorm, I'd appreciate it. I have a few hours before I have to be on shift."

"Esme, you're working full time, going to school full time and you're sick from the baby, to the point that you collapsed. There's no way you're going to work today."

"I have to! I have bills to pay, Tanner."

I sat beside her on the little bed they had in the university clinic. "Esme, I think you need to start being realistic. How would you have paid for the hospital if you'd had to go there?"

I hadn't meant to make her cry, only to look at things practically, so I forged ahead. "If you marry me, you'll be covered under my insurance. I'll make sure you get the help you need, and you won't have to work."

Her face crumpled, her eyes squeezed shut and she shook her head back and forth. "That's not a reason to get married."

I reached for her hand. "Maybe. Maybe not. But you and the baby would be covered and I could help you. My parents will help, too."

"Oh, I'm sure your parents will be thrilled."

I ignored her sarcasm. "They're good people, Esme. They'll help us out."

"But marriage..." Her voice trailed off.

"Marriage is the best option right now. You don't have insurance and you're working so hard and trying to do everything that you're ruining your health and putting the baby's at risk."

Esme looked down at her hands that were cradling her still-flat stomach.

"I just need time to think --"

"You've already had a few days to think. And now you've collapsed. You should have told me how sick you were."

"I don't want to force you into marriage."

"I offered, Ez. Given your circumstances, it's the right thing to do."

"I just don't see how it can ever work. You'll start to resent me for forcing you --"

"Ez, you're not forcing me to marry you. I'm not obligated to marry you. I'm doing it because we're both responsible for this baby. I promise I won't resent you. We get along, and we're not pretending that this is anything other than something we're doing for the baby and to give you help and insurance, but we can see where it leads. We'll take it day by day."

She twisted her hand in mine and thought for a few minutes, looking so alone and young and lost that it hurt my stomach. At last she said, "I'm scared to death, Tanner, and I don't have anyone but you to help. That's the only reason I'm saying yes."

Pulling into my parents' long driveway, I saw Trent's car was already here and I parked beside him. I didn't want to do this because everything they were about to say was justified. Getting out of the car, I walked reluctantly toward my childhood home, dreading going through this door for the first time in my life. Realizing you behaved like a shithead is one thing, but having your wife and parents realize it, too, is an entirely different level of fuckery.