Tanner and Esme

Chapter 6 (Tanner): You'll Come Running Back

"It'll be fine," I tried to reassure Esme as we pulled up to my home. "My mom'll love you."

"Sure. Every mom wants to meet the teen-age girl who got pregnant and forced her son into marriage."

"My mom's not like that. I already told them we got married at City Hall." That hadn't been an easy conversation, telling them I'd gotten married without them being there, but I'd gotten through it. They'd already known that Ez was pregnant because they'd offered to support her and provide insurance when I first told them about the baby. "They just want to meet you."

"OK," Ez said as if she were giving herself a pep talk. She was pale and nervous, but determined to see this through.

She'd no more than opened the car door before Mom flung open the front door and came hurrying down the driveway, Dad following behind.

Mom stopped right in front of Esme, practically trembling with excitement. "Hello, Esme," she said, taking her in. "I'm Madeline, and this is my husband, Teo. We're so happy to meet you."

Esme opened her mouth to respond right before she collapsed. I grabbed her just before she hit the ground.

When we were growing up, Mom always made us clean up our toys before we moved on to the next thing to catch our interest. "You have to clean up one mess before you can make another."

So, with that thought ingrained, I knew I first needed to clean up the mess that started it all.

I'm here in bar

Finally! Come up! Room 523

Come down to bar

Don't be ridiculous. Just come up.

If you're not down in five minutes, I'm leaving

In just under four minutes, Mindy came hurrying into the bar, a broad smile on her face, dressed in a low-cut, short dress and high heels. She went to hug me, but I stepped back and put a hand out in the stop gesture.

"What's that all about?" she asked. "You can stick your dick in my mouth, but you can't hug me?"

"I shouldn't have done that," I said evenly. "I shouldn't have even kissed you. Shouldn't have flirted at my brother's party or talked to you about my wife."

"She's not your wife for much longer, from what I hear."

"Who told you that?"

"Who do you think?" She seemed exasperated that I'd asked.

"Trent?"

"Of course Trent!" she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why is he telling you shit?"

"Seriously, Tanner? I've been in touch with him ever since you broke my heart and ditched me to marry that girl. For four years, I've been hearing about how unhappy you were, how you were trapped with that girl and your kid."

"Trent told you all that?"

"Not exactly in so many words, but I can read between the lines. I kept asking him if I should come back, show you what you were missing, show you what we still could have, but then Trent kept telling me to wait. Then a few months after my divorce was final, he mentioned he was having a get together and now might be the time for our reunion. We could see that the old feelings were still there and it'd finally be our time."

"Mindy, it's not our time. Our time has come and gone and it's over. We're over. I never should have kissed you, and I never should have let it go as far as it did in my office. I was wrong, and I know I gave you the wrong impression and for that, I apologize. But don't think that we're going anywhere. I made all the wrong choices with you, and nothing that happened should have happened, and I'm ashamed of myself for what I did and what I allowed."

"Give me a break, Tan. You kissed me like a starving man that night at your brother's party and then you let me go down on you...and you enjoyed it. And you're still trying to deny what's between us?"

"What was between us, Mindy."

"Well, if you don't want me, why'd you let all of that happen?"

I looked at her, this woman that I once loved. "Because I was stupidly holding on to something I thought was what I wanted. They say you always remember your first love, but maybe I wasn't remembering everything I should have."

"You want me. You've always wanted me. Our love was the kind people spend all their lives searching for."

For just a minute, I really looked at her. "If it was all that, then why'd you ask for a break?"

It took her a second to regroup, but she did. "Well, we were young, and we'd never been with anyone else --"

"And my mom had just told you that she and my dad were cutting off the money supply once I graduated."

"That...that had nothing to do with it, Tan."

"No? Just a happy coincidence, then?"

Her lips tightened, but she said nothing.

"Nothing to say to that?"

"We were too young to get so serious," she tried.

"Which is it, Mindy? We either had a love for the ages or we weren't ready for a serious relationship."

"I just meant that after our break, we'd get back together," she said weakly. "So we could make sure."

"I messed up my life because, in the back of my mind, you were the one that got away."

"You messed up your life because you fucked some random and she trapped you!"

"I was thinking at the time that she was someone to pass the time with until our break was over. In my mind, we'd eventually get back together."

"And we still can!" she said, stepping toward me, hand outstretched. "We can start the life we were supposed to have, forget the last four years like a bad dream."

"And my son?" I asked. "Am I supposed to forget him, too? What about the baby who's going to be born in a few months?"

"You'll have to see them sometimes. But I'll give you children, the children you should have had with me. We'll build our own family down the road." Her eyes were pleading. "A lot of dads don't have much to do with their children from previous relationships, especially when the girl trapped you into marriage."

"Esme didn't trap me. I had to talk her into marrying me."

"There's no way. You come from money and you had a nice car and a family business -- and she took one look at you and saw dollar signs. Who wouldn't want all that? I don't believe for one minute that you had to talk her into marrying you!"

And there it was.

"Believe me. Esme wasn't the gold-digger in my life."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"My parents warned me about you. I didn't believe them, and I actually defended you to them. Turns out, they were right."

"They never liked me."

"You're right. They didn't. They saw through you like I couldn't. Wouldn't."

"So why did you meet me here tonight, Tanner?"

"To close the loop. To clean up the mess I made of my marriage, I have to make sure the way is clear for me to do that. That means you're not in my life in any way after I walk away in a minute. I don't want you calling me anymore, Mindy. Don't text me. I'm blocking you everywhere I can. I don't even want you talking to my brother."

"I can talk to him if I want."

"I made a lot of mistakes and terrible fucking choices this last week. I guess I can't control whether or not my brother talks to you, but there's no reason to talk to him if you're hoping to get me back. We're not happening."

"I know you don't mean that, not after everything we meant to one another, Tan. When she divorces you, you'll come running back to me."

"No, I won't, Mindy. No matter what happens between Esme and me, I'm finally putting you in my past where I should have kept you."

Then I walked out, my past finally behind me and my future uncertain.