Tanner and Esme

Chapter 25 (Esme): It's Annoying

I'd been walking up to Tanner's door to bring him some double-chocolate chunk cookies Jude and I had made for him as a thank you for taking care of the children so I wouldn't get sick. Then I heard Tanner yelling.

Let me assure you I don't have the slightest interest in any news Mindy might have. And I told you why I'm not talking to you, Trent. You fucked me over and you never apologized for what you did.

I put my hand on Jude's shoulder to hold him back, and leaned down to whisper, "Need you to be quiet for a minute, buddy. Please."

He'd nodded, for once not questioning me, and I was relieved because this definitely sounded like a conversation I wanted to hear. Yeah, I was going to eavesdrop, and I'd worry about the ethical and moral aspect of it later when I gave a flying fuck. Listening to Tanner practically shouting, I winced at the first -- but not last -- F-bomb he dropped, but figured I could talk to my son about it later. Jude, honey, there are words only big people can use...

When I'd heard enough, I let Jude go, and he walked to the open door and announced that Tanner had said a bad word.

Well, about a hundred of them, but we'll go with one.

I saw Tanner's eyes go from Jude to me, and I could tell from his look he was furious, something that was obvious by the set of his jaw even if I hadn't just heard him yelling at Trent and Mindy. Tanner held out his arms and Liora threw herself from my arms into her daddy's keeping.

"Daddy, we made you cookies," Jude announced.

"You bringing me cookies is the best surprise I've had today," Tanner said, trying to hide his anger from his son. "What kind are they?"

"Double chocolate chunk chunk chunk. And Mommy let me break the eggs."

"Well, give me a minute and we'll go have some, OK?"

Tanner smoothed down Jude's cowlick and pulled him closer, and Liora smacked his jaw with her hand.

"Time for you two to leave," he said to Trent and Mindy.

"What, she arrives and we have to interrupt the conversation we were having?" Trent objected.

"Yeah. Absolutely. Esme shows up, you leave. Simple. A year of not talking to either of you and you think showing up here at my place is the right move? You think I've been pining for Mindy for a year when I already told her we would never be a thing, ever again, and I didn't make one move toward her in all that time?"

"Trent told me to be patient this last year!" Mindy interrupted. "He told me to give you time to get over what you'd done, that you'd never failed at anything before, and the failure of your marriage was a big blow to you. He said after you worked through it, you'd see that you really wanted me."

"What the fuuu-ooey is your problem?" Tanner wasn't yelling in deference to the children, but his voice was louder than normal. "I've had enough. I let you get away with saying things you never should have said and I never should have let you say, and that's on me. I should have stood up to you and shut you down with the things you said and implied and then maybe we wouldn't be standing here right now." 

Ohhh, I wondered what those things were. I could guess since Trent had never been more than cordial to me.

"But you didn't," Trent came back at his brother. "And that's because you knew I was right. You don't just get over your first love, and if you say you have, you're just fooling yourself!"

"You're fuu-reaking delusional! People get over their first loves all the time. How can you even think something so stupid?"

"Because I never have!" Trent roared, and then he stepped back, as if rocked by what he'd admitted. "Because if you really love someone, you never get over them."

The brothers stared at each other for a long moment. 

"It has nothing to do with first love, Trent. It has everything to do with it being the right love, and that I will agree that you never get over."

"I still love her," Trent said. "And when I lost her, the only thing I had was the company. It was all I had and all I'd ever have, and I saw your wife as someone who was keeping you from the woman you really loved while you played the hero and did the right thing. So I kept bringing up Mindy, kept in touch with her --"

"You wanted me out of the company," Tanner all but growled at him. "At least have the guts to be honest. You just wanted me out of the way." 

"Yeah, of course I did. I don't deny that," Trent said. "Like I said, the company was all I had to look forward to and like the golden boy you've always been, you were going to take that away from me; you were going to take away the only thing I had left. But Tanner, you're my little brother and I wanted you to be happy, too. I couldn't get my girl back, but I could give you back yours."

"That's bull --"

Trent shook his head. "You had your little family that I never would. You had the company. But I didn't think you had love, and I figured you'd walk away from the company if you got Mindy back. At least one of us could be happy."

"Well, now neither of us is happy. I want you and Mindy to get out and not bother me again. Stay out of my life."

He wasn't saying much, but it was enough. His words were flat and implacable, his message clear: I'm done with you both.

Miraculously, without another word, we watched the two of them leave, and Tanner closed his front door after them. 

"I feel like I need to burn some sage or something," Tanner said.

Jude, having felt the tension in the room, bounced back once the two of them left.

"Can I have a cookie, Daddy?"

Tanner nodded and straightened. "Let's get you some milk, too. Go sit at your spot at the table."

Jude ran for the dining room table and I put Liora in her high chair across from him. Tanner reached in a cabinet and handed me her teething biscuits, and I put one on her tray. He gave Jude a little cup of milk and a cookie and walked back into his kitchen.

I followed him. "Hey, are you OK? That was kind of intense."

"That's a good question," he said. "I'm not even sure what the right answer to that is. But I'm OK, Ez."

I stepped in front of him, my back to the refrigerator where he'd just put the milk away and had been staring at the doors.

"That can't be easy to see her --"

That drew his focus to me.

"Esme, it's not hard to see her at all. It's annoying, but that's the extent of it. What's hard is being around you and not being able to touch you. What's hard is watching you date. What's hard is knowing I had everything with you and I destroyed it."

He took a step closer and leaned in, his face close to mine, bracing his hand on the refrigerator door beside my head. "But love is patient, they say. So I'm going to be patient, Ez. I'm going to be here for you no matter what, like I wasn't before. I'm going to love you whether or not you love me back. I'm going to support you, I'm going to cheer you on, I'm going to help you and I'm going to hope like hell that when you can see I'm not going anywhere, you'll give me a second chance."

My heart was pounding having him so close. I thought he was going to kiss me. His eyes were telling me just how much he wanted to --

"Daddy! I just spilled my milk."