Namjoon X BTS {Oneshots}

Freedom

Namjoon's life was a puzzle of emotions. If he lived a sad or happy one but the sadness was hazy. He had loving parents, a younger brother, good friends, and a good circle but the partiality and the freedom to not be able to do things just like his brother could was what killed him. He couldn't enjoy most of the things just because of his brother. What truly ate away at him were the double standards enforced by his parents, a constant unfairness that seemed to define his existence.

Living in a toxic family is difficult, but not being able to realize that your family is toxic is even more difficult. They kill you in a way, that even God can't.

Namjoon always bragged about how cool his parents were, and how they let them do most of the things his friend's parents wouldn't let them do. He had always bragged about the 'Joon' tattoo on his father's right hand. He had always brag about how his parents didn't force him to choose a career of their choice.

But one thing he could never brag about was, that his parents weren't partial.

Because they were, and it took him a lot of time to realize! No, it wasn't just one instance, he suffered through it daily. Every day, he would close his eyes, pluck his lower lip between his teeth and upper lip, and control himself from crying in front of his parents and brothers until it completely stopped.

No, he won't cry, he couldn't cry! He wasn't weak. He took it to the extent that after some time, he even stopped having tears. It would be a very rare occasion for him to cry, his friends started calling him emotionless after he didn't cry even at the end of Blue Valentine.

It did hurt him a lot, he wasn't emotionless. Was it his fault that after what all his parents made him go through, after all his tears and pleas were ignored his body naturally shut itself from showing emotions? Especially if it were about crying.

He wanted to be free too, he wanted to be happy too, he wanted to show his emotions too. But he couldn't, his parents didn't let him.

"Namjoon come down and set up the table." shouted Jin, his father from the kitchen. As a very sleepy Namjoon stumbled down to the stairs, if he wouldn't come then he would have just got more scolding so it's better to come down. He was studying all night and barely slept for an hour before he was woken up by Jin. Seeing Taehyung, his younger brother carelessly sitting on the slab and using his mobile just made him scoff. Why wouldn't his father ask Taehyung to do it, the boy did nothing. He doesn't study at all, barely listens to any order of Jin or Yoongi, and most of the time is out of the house playing with his friends. Yet he was their parent's favorite and not Namjoon. With a very grumpy mood, Namjoon started working, gaining Taehyung's attention who looked up from his phone and mocked Namjoon saying " Yahh yahh, good! keep working like this. You are our maid." Taehyung was undoubtedly a disrespectful boy but their parents would often take his rude talks as jokes just like now. Instead of a scolding came a small laugh from Yoongi, his appa who was coming downstairs all ready to go to the office. The sentence hurt Namjoon a lot, he wasn't their maid. Taehyung would always tease him by saying this, initially, Namjoon used to always complain about this to his parents but then eventually when he saw they didn't even bother enough to ask Taehyung to stop it, he stopped complaining too and just let the harsh words sink in his heart every time.

Namjoon loved travelling, he loved staring out of the road as it swiftly moved cutting through the air. He loved to see the trees covering the corners of the roads, he loved every small detail he could find on the road. But traveling with his family was never a good experience for him. They, especially his brother would never let him do it in peace and eventually it became a nightmare for him.

" Papa, please ask Taehyung to remove his legs from mine." complained Namjoon, as Taehyung's half body was on the seat in a lying position, while his legs rested upon Namjoon's injured ones. "It's okay Namjoon-ah let him be, he must be feeling tired." spoke Jin and turned his attention back to the view outside. Namjoon just let out a nod and with aching legs tried to enjoy the scenic beauty. But one thought kept lingering in his mind 'We just woke up an hour ago, why does Papa think he must be already tired'.