The War of the Isles

34. Dhara

I broke down and began to punch my pillow. My mind, was frozen with convoluted thoughts. 

"Sqawk Sqawk Sqawk!" I heard Vibhava cry in agony. 

I looked at her into her gentle eyes. It felt like she was telling me to calm down. I finally sat on my bed and picked her up from the side. 

"I am very sorry!" 

Vibhava's head leaned forward as I brought her close to my chest. She then placed her tiny head on my collar as if to console me.

"Squaaaawwkk!" said she as if she was trying to tell me to hush.

I could take it when General Wagner badmouthed Fredrick. Even Charlie, my best friend had never been particularly fond of him. But for some reason, Ursula's remarks had hurt me.  I had always assumed that she of all people would understand love. She had after all been in love before...

She also fell in love with you...

It was an arrogant assumption to think that Ursula would have said these things to be out of jealousy. Our friendship so far had felt incredibly pure. 

She does mean well. She is concerned. 

The voices in my head knew what the rational thoughts were. But they also knew what Fredrick was to me.

I began to reminisce about our times setting up the stage before Ilsa's performances. We would adjust the curtains, change the background colours, and light lamps on every corner of the stage to ensure the performer's visibility. After our job was done we would have five minutes to ourselves where we would sit down, cross-legged on the centre stage and eat cake that Fredrick would buy from his bakery. He would always tell me the same thing.

"One day these curtains will open for you."

I would blush and continue to eat the cake. I would dream about performing on the stage as Fred would beam amongst the audience. 

My relationship with him was the turning point for my music. It was when I began to transition from a mere instrumentalist to a true composer. My music had become so popular that I had made a good chunk of money by selling it off to many chroniclers at that time. 

It had also resulted in a raise from Madame Mellize along with a few unwanted offers from the brothel's clients to bed me. When the offers became a bit too much, Madame Mellize offered an even higher raise just for me to continue to play the fiddle for her courtesans along with a guarantee of protection from these predatory men. 

My compositions stemmed from Fredrick's love. As long as he desired me, I would compose. He was the first to listen to my songs and the first to inhabit them. If I lost him, I would lose my music and in essence, lose myself. I knew that. 

Your music should come from within, my darling. Never make excuses for anyone or anything that stops you from expressing your songs. 

This was an advice I had heard many years ago from my mother. She had never been a keen musician herself, but she understood it well enough to appreciate the complexity of it. She had the voice of a nymph and sang some of the sweetest lullabies. When she sang to me, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

No matter how hard I tried to forget, she had begun to become a constant companion in my dreams. Ever since I had discovered my powers, it was as if I found myself spiritually connected with her. But since I had reached Kalheim, my dreams with her had begun to turn into nightmares.

In most of these dreams, I would see her next to a river. And then a man's shadow would appear behind her back, and stab her with a longsword, through the bottom of her spine into her stomach. I could somehow never see who that man was, but I did have a rough idea - as I was able to recognise the sword.