My Pleasure, Darling

7: Mule

Felix is asleep in the rocking chair with a blanket over his knees, but not much else, although he did take off his boots. I guess he's comfortable, and I am not the woman brave enough to wake him.

I barely look human in the shoddy motel bathroom mirror. Face pale, eyes and nose bright red. I run hot water, as hot as I can, then take a small towel and wet it. Soap, and scrub. I don't really have the time for a shower. And I don't want one. I don't want to try and relax under the steady stream of lava. Right now I just want to get to Hakkat.

By the time I have changed, brushed my hair, and reappeared, Felix is awake, but hasn't moved. We both glance at Alexandria. She's cocooned in her bedding. Poor tyke. I drop to a whisper when I get near him. "Right, I'm heading out. What size do you wear?"

"Double XL. Bigger, if you can get it. Rather have clothes too big than too small."

You do not need to tell me this, sir. I'm not paunchy, I'm full on fat, rotund around the edges and everywhere in-between. I know well the struggles of squeezing flabby upper arms into quality-tight sleeves and the chafe of underwear that's too tight in the groin. I know what I'm about.

"Can you get me some deodorant, too?"

"I'm gonna pick you up a full personal hygiene kit. Are you on any medication I need to get?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing we need to be worried about."

We don't speak while I put on my shoes and my coat and go. The old clerk is gone and the lobby is deserted. It's very early. Early enough that I don't think the sun has fully risen yet, though it's kind of grey out with cloud cover, so who even knows. The streets aren't busy like they were last night; the chaos has settled somewhat, and now the silence is nearly eerie.

The city is built close together, so there's no need for me to find the car Felix has hidden somewhere and attempt a drive. I enjoy the walk, actually. Spring is crisp. Actually a little cold for the time of year, it should be warmer than this. Part of me wonders whether I'll ever feel warm again.

A lot of the shops are closed. There's a clock tower, and I have to walk out of my way to check it. 8:30.

That sucks – but then I stumble past a supermarket, where the automatic doors open to allow some kid in a uniform vest to put baskets outside. The sign in the window says it's open from seven. That is truly delightful news.

It's a big supermarket. The kind where, if you have no taste and are kind of cheap, you could literally never have to shop anywhere else. Clothes, food, weird gifts, cans of paint and intimate toys, all under one roof.

I take a cart, and start up and down the aisles. I find t-shirts, and when I find the triple XLs, I fling two of every colour into the cart before me. Then sweaters, then jeans and tracksuit bottoms and a duffel to put them in. These are cheap items, and cheaply made, but they will suffice. I get him the same size of underwear, a selection. I don't know what tighty-whities Felix wears and frankly, I do not want this information. There are a couple of giftsets for men – full bath compilations. Shampoo, conditioner, cologne, deodorant, shaving cream. A fancy-looking one is tossed in, followed by a pack of razors and a dental set. Socks, plenty of socks. More sanitary wipes.

I hit the feminine hygiene aisle and legitimately have to stop and think real, real hard. In all the madness, and without my trusty phone, I have no idea when I'm due, and frankly, my counting isn't great at this hour of the morning either.

A few packs, then. Just in case. You never know.

Children's aisle. I pick up a few outfits for her that look like they might fit. I don't know what the Chancellor packed for her, and if most of it will fit or not. I assume it will, but best to have two or three fits, just in case. And underwear. Long car rides, small bladders, we've been lucky so far. Lots of underwear.