My Pleasure, Darling

35: Final Farewell

They let me sit on a chair in some kind of formal reception room. Felix wanted to come with me, but I insisted he stay with Alexandria for now, to make the transition easier for her. I hope I imagined how hard that decision was for him.

I don't want Felix to love me. I don't want him to feel that way about me. Mostly because I think it would be a waste of our time – his affections have never been of great intensity or duration, and I'm not one for quick relationships.

I am in this room alone. I look up. There's a grand painting of King Marcius over an empty fire place. It's a nice room. Well furnished. There's a carpet under my legs, and I have to double-check I'm not bleeding on it.

It feels so stupid as I stare at the tiny white embroidered flowers under me. That I am sitting here, concerned over whether or not they will be able to get blood stains out. After all I have been through, after all I have lost, I still have the bearings to be concerned about the cleaning up.

I suppose it's only fitting. I don't have it in me to care about anything great. I'm tired of great things, of smuggled Princesses and political coups and long journeys. For a few moments, to be concerned about blood on a carpet feels like a treat. Like a real holiday.

The door opens, just a little bit behind me. Felix walks in, Andrea in his arms, two men behind him. Big men. Big men dressed in white. Big men dressed in white, with masks and hazard suits.

"Alexandria. Lois has to go to the doctor for a few days. She'll be back soon, though."

The child clambers into my lap before any of us can stop her, her arms around my neck, little fingers splayed there, hanging on. She cuddles up, nuzzling her face into my shoulder. I hold her for a moment. She's still an emotional wreck from our arrival, though I'm sure it has to have been hours ago by now.

"Sh," I calm her, cooing gently as Felix and his new friends wait. "There, now. Goodness, that's been a lot of scary things, hasn't it?"

"Are you badly hurt? Is it because of me?"

I snort, and I immediately feel bad, like I'm laughing at her. I'm not. I just think it's the most preciously misguided thought she's ever had. The lightness of the sound seems to clear her expression a little. "No, little Alexandria, it is not because of you. Sometimes people get hurt. One time, when I was about your age, I was dancing on the landing and fell down the stairs. I broke two ribs and my leg. Whose fault is that, hm?"

She seems to think this through forever. "That's not people's fault," she eventually offers.

"Nope. Nobody's fault. Sometimes, people just get hurt. But you're not to worry. Like Uncle Felix said, I'll be back before you know it."

"Do you promise?"

"Did I come all this way just to leave you again so soon? Of course I promise."

She hugs me again, tightly, and I hug her back.

It's stupid. How attached you get to a kid like this. Some of it is probably a response to some form of shared trauma, but neither of us can really help it.

I am, very simply, glad she is safe.

Felix gently picks her up off my lap and holds her hand as he sets her down. "Okay, we have to say bye-bye to Lois for now. She'll be back in a few days. Until then, I think you and I are a little hungry. What do you think? A nice snack?"

He leads her out of the room and doesn't look back before the door closes. Then, I am alone with the two men in hazard suits. I carefully, awkwardly, stand, my jeans half-hanging off my body.