ʙᴀᴅᴍᴀɴ ᴀ ᴍɪ ᴛʏᴘᴇ

Felt

Lamaya POV
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In this moment my mind is blank and I'm not sure how to feel. I'm hurt knowing that I had to spend some of my pregnancy unhappy and stressed.

I understood completely why it was happening and I don't blame him or myself for it, but just that it could've been avoided

To say as it's easy is not compatible with the fact he had no control over it

I absolutely love him with my whole heart and it hurts just imagining him trapped in his mind with no thought of himself

Robotic

"I'm sorry,". Zyairie says rubbing my back as I cried. I completely understand that he didn't have any control over it

I'm left speechless wondering where everything went wrong? Why do life keep sending me trials when I'm trying?

Mi a try yuh fuck and is like nothing ever works it's breaking me slowly all I want is to be happy I understand that life comes with challenges

But can everything be alright for once?

Unuh eva feel trapped mentally in a cycle of depression, madness and despair wen yah try?

Like life a beat yuh wen yah try but wen yah do fuckry life good?

Yeah so mi feel right now

Been craving a hug especially from him and now that I'm getting it; all my locked up feelings are pouring out that overwhelms me

I miss him

My tears pour harder...

...Literally like rain as zyairie hugs me constantly apologizing his voice breaks as he tries to calm me down

I know it's not his fault so I don't want him apologizing yet he should for what he said

"Give them up for adoption"

I know he didn't mean it because he wasn't himself yet the apology soothes me down

I pull away after something as he stares at me with his beautiful brown eyes seeking my affirmation or a sense of verbal clarity

The question he asked

"Are you okay,?"

Am I? My life has been so crazy for the past year especially coming down to the middle of it and to say I'm okay is a lie

I'm hurting and it's not nobody's fault but mines for making my choices then ruin my life but I'm trying and I hope somebody sees it

I feel like giving up sometimes because I haven't heard those four words

'I'm proud of you'

I'll be alright that's something I promised God and my babies

Zyairie start's trying to explain himself immediately seeing that I'm silent just staring blankly with tears in my eyes

"Mi really nuh understand weh da gwaan and it strange to mi everything mi deven kno weh fi seh to yuh right now.

"Just kno what eva mi did do and seh a neva me b she like put supmu pon mi and mi neva mean fi hurt yuh so please nuh cry"

"Yah hurt mi heart by crying mi kno seh mi neva deh deh fi yuh and we ute dem and mi sarry,"

I don't interrupt him as he speaks just that I'm not sure what to say to him currently or the fact that he's pouring out his thoughts for the first time in months with his own personal constructed words