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Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A man in his 30s from the city of Cheongju had a pregnant girlfriend who was constantly getting on his nerves. For instance, one day he accused her of causing him to lose a video game, so he beat her with his fists. And on another day, he thought that she was being impolite. Therefore, he threatened to cut her with a knife as he held the blade against her throat. And for his horrible crimes, he will now have to spend the next year in prison. The sentence seems a tad light in my eyes. But what do I know?
I called my mom using Facebook Messenger.
I said, "I talked to my accountant."
She gave me a stern look. "And what did he have to say for himself? I certainly hope that you didn't give him any money."
"Well, he told me that I qualify for a $1,600 tax return from Uncle Sam. It's because of Rice-Boy Larry. Something about a child exemption."
"Can you trust this guy?"
I nodded. "I think so. He's the dude who got me all my Covid money."
"How much is he charging to do your taxes?"
"300 bucks."
She whistled through her teeth. "That seems kind of stiff to me."
I shrugged my shoulders. "Sixteen hundred dollars is sixteen hundred dollars. It's certainly nothing to sneeze at. But there's a problem. I'll have to give half of it to my wife."
Mom went apoplectic. In fact, she actually slammed the palm of her hand against her forehead.
She said, "Now why in the fuck would you gift that woman a single penny?"
"Because I can't cash the check without her."
"Use direct deposit."
"It won't work. I need an American bank account."
To make a long story even more tedious, I probably won't get the check until summer. Then I'll hump it to the bank and try to put it into my account without the Dragon Lady. But there's a 99-percent chance that the manager will tell me that she has to be present at the scene of the crime. After that, I'll call her and try to lure her back to Seoul by giving her half of the cash. However, what else can I do? It seems to be my only option.
I took a quick shower and prepared Rice-Boy's breakfast. I cooked him three eggs and served them with toast. I also gave him a bottle of water.
Then I caught the bus and made it to work at 7:30 a.m. My day went pretty smoothly. In one of my classes, we read a Saxon poem called The Ruin. The speaker is looking at the buildings the Romans left behind and is wondering why life in medieval England now sucks giant ass.
I turned to the children. "Sometimes, I feel this way about America. Do you know how many people died of drug overdoses last year in my country?"
Nobody said a word.
I sighed heavily. "More than a hundred thousand! Can you believe that crap? This epidemic is more lethal than the Vietnam War."
One boy raised his hand. "Do you know what we are having for lunch today?"
I smiled at him. "Sweet-and-sour pork."
The boys and girls erupted with applause. It's one of their favorite items on the menu.
