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Yesterday, I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the headlines on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A man in his 50s from Yangsan married a Vietnamese woman back in 2016. She learned how to speak Korean fluently and eventually acquired citizenship in 2019. Well, her husband became convinced that she was cheating on him. So one night as she slept, he exacted his revenge by stabbing her to death with a knife. After that, he drove to the nearest police station and turned himself in to the authorities.
Rice-Boy Larry crawled out of bed at 6 a.m. to eat his breakfast. We struck up a conversation as he stuffed his face with eggs and toast.
I said, "How come you didn't ask the dermatologist for Accutane?"
"I thought it would be rude."
"Rude?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "The guy's a fucking doctor. Therefore, it would be presumptuous of me to tell him how to do his job."
"But here's the deal. If you keep taking the antibiotics, it will eventually kill all the natural bacteria in your stomach."
"Look. Stop putting all this stress on me. I trust the guy."
I changed the subject. "How did you do on your calculus test?"
"I got a sixty."
I sighed heavily. "A sixty? That's fucking horrible."
He shook his head. "Not really. In fact, t was one of the highest scores in the entire class." My son paused for dramatic effect. "It's calculus, Dad. It's not for pussies or mental midgets."
I nodded my head up and down. "Fair enough."
I caught a taxi to work. Most of the buses weren't running on schedule because the drivers had decided to go on strike the previous evening. I got to my office at 7:30 a.m. and called my mother using Facebook Messenger. Yet she never answered. This happens from time to time. She was probably outside fooling around in the backyard. But I didn't panic. I figured that Chicken Ken would have sent me a text if the old woman was in trouble.
One of the teachers dropped by my room. He was holding a little foot-long statue of Superman. He had even taken the time to paint the thing.
He said, "Do you want this?"
"Want what?"
"My statue of Superman. I constructed it with the 3D printer."
I let out an audible groan. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with it?"
"Your students might like it."
"OK. No skin off my ass."
I clapped him on the shoulder and thanked him profusely for the gift. However, as soon as he left, I threw the fucking thing in my cupboard. The teacher in question is a real nerd. Every time I see this Poindexter, he always has his nose in a comic book. I simply have no patience for geeks. They've rubbed me the wrong way since my childhood.
My day went OK. I'm reading another Sherlock Holmes story with my high school students. It's called The Red-Headed League. They're enjoying it more than me. I wanted to skip the story and move onto Poe, but they vociferously objected to the idea. So what's a boy to do, right? Give the people what they want.
I eventually got home at 6 p.m. and ate Napalm chicken with Rice-Boy Larry. I also drank a pitcher of beer while stuffing my fat face with poultry. A good time was had by all.
