When the Sun and Stars Unite (Jegulus Oneshots)

As If Through Water

"That's why I was here. I was going to stand right here, and I was going to try to convince myself to do it, or not to do it, and– and that night, the whole walk up those stairs, I couldn't– I couldn't think of a single thing. I couldn't find a reason not to. It was like my mind was empty, and I was thinking that– that if I got up here and my head was still empty, then I'd do it. That's why I came up here. And then you–" James took a long, shuddering breath. "You were in my spot." He couldn't help but laugh. It was a terrible sound.

"That's why you said that," Regulus breathed, and it was like it was punched out of him. "You... you were... I thought that was a joke." His voice was thready. James still didn't have the heart to look up at him. He felt like he wasn't really there.

"Everyone did," he shook his head. "It was always a joke."

---

or, Regulus learns he and James have more in common than he thought

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"You're in my spot," James said easily, the same as he did every night, slotting himself into the astronomy tower window alongside Regulus.

"I was here first," Regulus replied with a shrug, an identical shrug to the night before, and then night before that, and the night before that.

This was the routine– a very unexpected routine, but a routine nonetheless. Regulus would get there before James, always tucked into the same inset opening of an arched window at the top of the tower. He liked the one that faced South, but when it was winter, he sometimes faced North. Regardless of direction, James greeted him the same way every time; you're in my spot. And regardless of where he was sitting, Regulus replied the same way every time as well; I was here first.

"I brought you one of those mini cheesecakes," James continued, scooting his legs forward until he could dangle them over the ledge. This was something James did that Regulus would never do. Regulus would sit with his legs tucked underneath him, securely placed against steady stone. James let his toes dangle. Occasionally, he would kick his feet like a child on a swing, as though he was not hundreds of feet from the ground. "They didn't have the chocolate ones, so I got, er... a piece of a candy bar," he added, producing the shoddily wrapped treat from his pocket. "I figure you can just sort of pop them in your mouth together and maybe it'll taste the same."

Regulus' half smile was not lost on James, nor was the way he pursed his lips to hide it. Regulus took the desert from James' palm silently, peeling the wrapper away from the chocolate.

"Happy birthday," James added. Regulus rolled his eyes.

"My birthday is in June, James," he sighed.

"Yeah, but that's no fun," James grinned. "We don't get to have a party for you in the summer."

"And this is a party?"

"About as close to one as I can get you to come to, yeah," James shrugged. "I can throw you a real one, if you'd like. Streamers and fireworks and music and the like." Regulus made a face like James had just suggested he drink toilet water. "Exactly. So happy birthday." Regulus sighed heavily, but he took a bite of the cheesecake (and then the candy bar) and James felt rather proud of himself.

"Not the same as the chocolate ones," Regulus mused, his mouth half-full. "But not bad. Solid attempt."

"Lovely," James smiled. He nestled in a little more, nudging Regulus' knee out of the way so his own thigh was underneath it. The windows in the astronomy tower were a tight squeeze, certainly not meant for two people and hardly meant for one, but they'd long since discovered that it was easier than sitting in two separate windows and not really being able to hear each other. "Who've we got today?" he asked, and Regulus took a breath, looking out at the sky.