Consider Me Gone

Chapter 20.

Tara

When Jax walked through the door, I could already tell that he was going to tell me something awful. His shoulders sagged, his head was down, and he took his hat off his head as he prepared to tell me what was on his mind.

I didn't need a psychic to know that Jax was no longer coming with me and the boys. However, nothing could have prepared me for what he said next.

"The CIA is behind this Irish/Cartel hookup. They've been playing us. If I kill Clay, the Irish walk away, and the deal falls apart. They will take us all down in the process."

"Oh my gosh," I looked at him with shock.

"I'm not supposed to tell anyone Tara, but I can't have any more secrets."

"Okay baby," I touched his cheek, feeling special that he trusted me with something so secretive. However, the look on his face did nothing to aid my suspicions about him not coming with us.

"You have to stay," I said, saying what he was afraid to.

"Walking away from my club is one thing, but letting it die...I can't. It's part of me. I'm sorry," Jax was extremely apologetic as he delivered the news. I can't say that I was surprised, but it hurt to know that Toni was right about what she said.

"I know you have to go. Take our boys, go to Oregon, I'll send you all the money you need." There was no doubt in my mind that Jax would make good on that promise, but watching him sob broke something inside of me.

"I love you so much," he said before getting off the floor and walking out of the room. Anger built inside of me as I heard the front door close after he left, and had it not been for Thomas, I would have destroyed everything in this room.

"He's mine," I said quietly as the tears fell from my eyes. I kept on repeating it until it boiled enough courage inside of me to cause me to drive away from the house. I ordered Elyda to watch the boys as I left, and while driving with one hand on the road was a challenge, I didn't let it become a stumbling block.

Initially, I didn't have a plan. I wanted to go back to the club and support Jax as he received the president's patch. However, as I drove on the open road, I spotted Toni and Mark at a nearby restaurant. Without any clear idea of what I was doing or hoping to achieve, I slowed down and parked my car as close as possible. As I sat there and watched them, I sensed a familiar feeling of jealousy bubbling up inside me. It was a sensation I hadn't experienced since I began my affair with Jax.

Toni threw her head back and laughed as Mark leaned over the table with a spoonful of dessert. Although I couldn't hear exactly what was being said, it was clear that Mark was being playful with her.

Her loud laugh could be heard from my car, even though she did her best to muffle the sound. The waiter came up to the table and Mark grabbed the tab before Toni could even think about reaching for her purse.

The waiter said something to them that caused Toni to look away in embarrassment but brought a huge smile to Mark's face. When he walked away, Mark reached for Toni's left hand and kissed it, not letting it go, not even to scribble his name down on the check.

Toni wasn't laughing anymore, but she didn't look upset either as they got up to leave. I hadn't even realized that I had parked next to Mark until they came up next to my SUV. I did my best to duck down, even though I knew they couldn't see me from my tinted windows, but I could hear them much better now.

"After you, Mrs. Sloan," Mark said while smiling down at Toni. He held the door open for her, but Toni's face had become serious at the mention of becoming his wife.

Mark's smile fell a little, and he wrapped his arms around her waist while pulling her in. "What's the matter, Thatcher? Hmm? Don't tell me you don't like the last name, because that's going to be a problem."

"Mark," Toni dragged out. I could tell she was gearing up to tell him something long and drawn out, but Mark gave her a peck on the lips instead.

"Hey Ton, it's me, we're doing our own thing, remember? I'm here for you and only you."

Toni looked down, slightly embarrassed, and until then it never occurred to me that Toni would have issues with committing to another man. However, as I looked at her now, I realized that she was scared and vulnerable. She didn't want to be hurt again, and Mark was taking on a huge task by being the man to rebuild her trust.

"I'm sorry," she said apologizing, "I don't even know why I got so worked up."

"Don't apologize about anything. You did nothing wrong. I know that marriage is touchy for you, and I also know that Rome wasn't built in a day. I like you, Toni, I like you enough to say that I know I'm going to love you one day. And I know things are still fresh and new, but I know that you'll feel the same way too."

"And if I don't?" a smile spread on Toni's face as she teased him.

"Then I'm just going to wait, simple."

"Simple?" she asked while raising an eyebrow.

"Simple," Mark said with more confidence as he planted a quick kiss on Toni's lips before helping her into the car. My chest ached as I watched them drive off with the life I craved. One filled with normalcy and simplicity. A life where crime wasn't a constant factor, and things like a club with no boundaries wouldn't rule in your relationship.

However, as much as I craved those things, I couldn't allow Toni to be right. Jax loved me and I knew he would make good on his promise to be with me and our children, so I had no regrets when I walked into the club.

The door to the meeting room was open and Jax welcomed me as I stood behind him. "I'm not going anywhere," I reassured him. "I'm here, baby, I'm here." Jax looked at me with relief, and although some would call me crazy, it just felt right.

I knew now that it didn't matter what Toni thought, she would never know Jax as I knew him. And no matter what kind of life she built with him, it would never equate to the one I had. I knew it was crazy, but I couldn't allow her to have him. I couldn't allow the perception she had of him to win. Jax was my old man, and only I knew his heart.

Time would prove me right. He loves me more than this club, more than his mother, and he loves me more than he ever did her. We were going to leave Charming as a family, just me, Jax, and our boys.