Consider Me Gone

Chapter 22.

Toni

"Time of death, 10:45 PM." I let out a defeated sigh as I looked down at Opie's lifeless body on the table. There was blood everywhere, and I don't think I'll ever be able to get the image out of my mind.

When Opie got to the hospital, he was hanging on by a thread. I thought that there was still a chance to save him, but I knew that was wishful thinking from the start. The blow to his head was more than just a fracture, the object that was used, completely broke his skull. It was a miracle that he was even breathing when he got here.

"Toni, this isn't your fault," Clara said, but I couldn't help the overwhelming feeling of sadness I felt. Opie was someone I knew, someone I considered family once upon a time. Despite his betrayal, I never thought I'd see him in this way.

I know that I wasn't the one who killed Opie, but damn, I wish I was the one who saved him. Now, I have to go out there and tell his wife that her husband didn't make it. Something I'd never become accustomed to even after all of my years of practice.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Clara asked, and I gently nodded my head "Yes." I was on the verge of tears, and I knew that I had to put on a brave face no matter how much I wanted to cry.

Clara nodded as she helped me out of my gown and we washed our hands in silence. She knew that I tended to get quiet when I was hurting, and I was glad that she wasn't trying to cheer me up.

I needed to grieve this one, I needed to accept it in my mind. I had metaphorically killed everyone who betrayed me in my mind. I was content with their death because that's how I chose to move on. But seeing one of them, stretched out on the table reminds me that I never really killed them. They only lived on to haunt me again.

"Mrs. Winston?" I hardly recognized my voice when I addressed his wife. Gemma and Tara were alongside her, and I knew they were there for emotional support.

"Yes?" Her voice came out weakly, "Did he make it? Is he okay?" Her questions stabbed at my heart, and I could feel my eyes become glossy.

"I am so sorry Mrs. Winston, we did everything we could." Lyla fell to the floor with grief before I even finished my sentence, and I took a deep breath as I looked up at the ceiling.

"NO, YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM! I CAN'T DO THIS WITHOUT HIM!" Lyla tugged at my scrub pants as she begged on her husband's behalf. Gemma tried to help her off the floor, but Lyla continued to wail evoking several looks from some of the staff.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated before taking several steps back so that I would be out of her reach. Clara put her hand on my shoulder as we left the group there to grieve over their loss, and once I was around the corner, Clara's face became serious.

"You have to get out of here, Toni. I don't care about the job, or leaving in a politically correct way. You have to leave."

"Clara," I protested. I haven't even sent all of my paperwork to Seattle. Not to mention, any of my things.

"No Toni, I love you, you're the only person I know that makes this sh*ty town worthwhile. But I will not allow you to get sucked back into this sh*t!"

"I'm not!" I argued.

Clara scolded me, "Yeah, not now, but I know you will. You have a big heart, Toni, if you could split it in half and give it to someone in need, I know you would, no questions asked. I love that about you, but I know that they love that about you too. You allow yourself to get close, and you'll end up right back where you started. I know you try to spare me the details sometimes, but I know it's not far-fetched to think that being close to those people will only result in death."

Clara was breathing heavily as she poured out her emotions to me, and I knew that none of that was easy for her to say. Clara and I were nosy about everyone else's business, but we hardly lectured each other on our personal choices. So, I know that she was not only speaking out of a place of love but concern.

And she was right, I had to stay away from this stuff. This wasn't my life anymore, and no matter how foreign it felt, I had to do the opposite of what I'd always done. I had to do things differently because my future depended on it.

"You're right," I said in a raspy voice. "You're absolutely right."

Clara looked relieved to hear me agreeing with her. "Good."

"I have to get out of Charming. I thought I could handle five more months, but...I can't."

"I know, and I think that Seattle would be lucky to have you. You're a brilliant surgeon and I know it's fresh, but God, you should see the way Mark looks at you, Toni. He's legit, like really legit."

"I know, he's a great guy," I said looking down.

"And you're even better. Don't let them get into your head about who you are. You deserve a good man, a good home, and a good job. You deserve it all."

I broke out into a smile, while a tear fell from my eye. "Now how am I supposed to find another friend like you?"

"You won't," Clara said matter-of-factly. "But I hope you find someone damn close." Clara smiled at me as we laughed and hugged each other in the hallway. I hadn't packed a single thing in my apartment or looked for a place to stay in Seattle, but I think it's time I did.

When we pulled apart, I saw Mark waiting patiently for me, and Clara gave me a wink before disappearing down the hallway. Mark came up to me and gave me a sweet embrace while kissing the top of my head.

"I heard about the surgery, I'm sorry honey." He looked down at me sympathetically, "What can I do for you?"

"You can help me clean out my apartment," I replied.

Mark looked taken aback by my request because before now, I hadn't packed a single item. "Really? You want to go now?"

I nodded my head softly, "Yeah, I think it's time."

I was expecting Mark to mention that we still had 5 months, or that we still needed to process the paperwork. But he simply nodded his head and kissed my forehead, "Done."

As soon as he said the word, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I felt like I could breathe again. "Thank you," I said with complete gratitude. Mark nodded and pulled me back into his arms, rubbing my back as I cried in the hallway.