More Than This

7 - Amber

This is officially the half-way point in the story. Just thought you might like to know 😉

Song of the chapter - The Last Time by Taylor Swift

After Matt came to my window trying to talk to me, I had had it. I was done. There was nothing left to surprise me.

Garrett had spilled his guts to me. I couldn't believe how open and honest he had been with me and was shocked he would even trust me as much as he did.

But then I felt him pull away and I had no idea why. Maybe he regretted confiding in me. Maybe he didn't trust me the way he should. Maybe he was scared. I wasn't sure why, but I knew that there was a wall between us that hadn't been there before.

Then Matt showed up and wanted to talk to me too. I just couldn't handle it, so I pushed him off until today. I was half hoping he'd just give up. The other half of me was trying to build up enough frustration to blow him off.

But it just wasn't in me to be so cruel, so I went to the park to hear him out.

The swings. Was there any other way Matt could have possibly made himself seem more vulnerable? It was kind of obvious when he didn't want to go sit at a table. I was so irritated that I had even walked to meet him, especially after that phony display.

He tried to divert my attention a couple of times, but something gave me the courage to push him, make him talk. I could tell he was hesitating. He hated to seem weak or to give anyone else the upper hand. Luckily for me, I wasn't the timid pushover I had been a month ago.

And of course he noticed. But I wasn't there to talk about me and all the changes I was going through. This was about him.

Nothing could have prepared me for what came next. I felt my irritation start to melt away as he talked about his dad. I know all about the pressure parents put on you to be what they want. But his dad sounded much worse than what I was going through.

Is that why I never went to his house, never met his family? Although I thought about asking, I decided to just keep listening as he talked. Asking would be too...familiar, close. I wanted to keep my distance emotionally. At least I was trying, but it wasn't going that well.

I did challenge him on a few facts, namely the way he would man handle me. He seemed genuinely shocked that I would say he physically hurt me. But he also seemed truly sorry when I convinced him he had in fact done so.

My confusion multiplied at each statement he made. My earlier thoughts of how things could have been if I was more like April came flooding back. What if I had been strong? Matt was able to handle my questions and challenges, but he also seemed to be in a much different place than before. He was open, vulnerable.

Maybe sitting on the swings hadn't been an act after all.

Listen," he got up and turned to kneel in front of my swing, holding the chain to keep me steady. My heart started to race with him so close to me, just like it did when we first started dating , "I want to do things right with you." He spoke while looking right in my eyes, "You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Please, let me make this up to you."

I looked down at me, the feelings I had for him bubbling to the surface. Could I forgive him? Should I?

"Matt..." I started, not certain how he would take what I was about to say, "I can't."

He took a deep breath and let go of the chains, sitting right in the dirt. Shaking his head, he muttered something to himself that I couldn't quite hear.