Unbound (Unbound, Book 1) ~Formerly Casting Power~

Chapter 12

August arrived too soon, yet the torturous nights filled with horrifying dreams felt endless. Each rendition felt different set against the same backdrop. Just to keep me on my toes, sometimes it would start by convincing me it was going to be happy. Other times, it delved right into Horrorville. Every dream ended the same: consumed by fire.

Nancy and I spent every day since Canada Day together, playing with the dogs while earning awesome tans for senior year. My powers, for the time being, remained bound. I had no delusions of longevity. Despite my progress, and given enough time, I knew it wouldn't matter what I did to control my emotions. My dreams were ripping my binds to shreds and I was defenseless. On a collision course with surrender, they were a casualty of its inevitability. My mind—or emotions or magic or whatever—worked against me each night.

I attributed the fact that they hadn't exploded into existence again to the long sessions with Nancy and my mom, meditating and practicing relaxation techniques.

For the first time, I put everything I could into my training with my mother. I'd never dwelled on the possibility of having to deal with my powers before. Now, because of my mother's decree, it was all I could think about. Even when I was distracted with Nancy or the dogs, there was a constant niggle at the back of my mind, and I knew that I wasn't ready.

My mother spent her evenings working with me, and I knew without having to hear her speak the words that she was proud of all that I'd accomplished in such a short time. I was finally able to recite back to her the chakra centers, the meanings of auras, and the attributes of colors. I even knew when they were used and why.

Blinking at the light, I pushed the thoughts out of my mind, rolling to my side to stretch. Immediately, I was suffocating on Onyx's rough tongue, slick with slobber. I laughed and rubbed her ears, not at all surprised when she flopped onto her back, legs high in the air to expose her stomach.

"You guys want to go outside?"

Onyx jumped off the bed and yipped at her favorite word. Opal appeared at the sound of my voice, meaning my mom was out. She was always with Zach. For someone who loved harping on about responsibility and always being accountable to yourself above all else, her shop had been closed all but one day in the past two weeks. I pushed myself up and padded down the stairs just behind the dogs, needing to fulfill my newfound addiction to caffeine.

"Okay, but I'm putting on a pot of coffee first," I said and hopped out of the way as they rushed for the back door.

I switched the pot on to brew and followed them out through the veranda to the yoga mat I used for meditating every morning. It was hard at first, trying to relax. Thinking of beautiful places or calming sounds lead to the clearing I'd destroyed. Ingesting coffee made me jittery. If my mom hadn't been there to help me figure it out, I would have been unbound from the effort. But my mother never allowed me to stop trying, even after what felt like the hundredth failure. I had to push on, never stop. "Giving up won't solve your problems," she'd said. "Keep plugging away, and you'll figure it out." Ugh.

It figured that since she was able to make my problems permanent, it didn't matter if she tried to help me avoid them. I wondered if that was why she wouldn't share her books with me. I'd had access to her first Book of Shadows. Was she worried they would give me answers that weren't supposed to exist? Could her books solve my problems when she wouldn't?

So not the time to think of that.

I shook my head free of thoughts and focused on my breathing, concentrating just enough to slow the natural rhythm essential to life. I pictured the biology of it the way scientists study anatomy, each heartbeat more important than the last. It was the most effective method I'd used.

The familiar rush of cool calm trickled through my veins the moment my efforts reached fruition. Warmth like invisible fingers rushed up through my feet from the ground beneath me. It was a new sensation. Calm and pure, intense yet reassuring, and a thousand times more invigorating than the usual heat that flooded my system. Now, it was like I was embracing the roots of the very ground my life was built upon. I'd fallen in tune with nature and it felt as wonderful as my mother had always told me it would.

For a moment, I was filled with peace.

A second later, the sensation morphed into a vice-like grip, as though a searing-hot branding iron was cauterizing me from the inside-out. I gasped. The pain sent spasms through my body, rocking me forward until I was doubled over. My nose met the planks of the deck. I took short, shallow breaths, and remained as motionless as possible. All movement was crippling. I moaned through parched lips, the agony ripped from within and released into the air that choked me.

What the hell is going on?

I held my breath and pressed my hand against my stomach, hoping the pressure would ease the ache.

A year's worth of five minutes passed. I took shallow breaths and blinked back tears, chanting over and over that I was disconnected from my surroundings. Slowly, the sharp pain became an ached. I breathed deeper and exhaled. It was ten minutes before I was able to force myself to my feet, hurting but mobile.

I tip-toed back into the kitchen, keeping one hand on my stomach and the other outstretched for balance. What the hell? The universe must hate me. It wasn't enough to plague my existence with nightmares and gifts I didn't want. Couldn't I enjoy the compensation of relaxing? Why couldn't I find the balance?

Anxiety swelled, suffocating me until I couldn't breathe. I'd never had a panic attack before, but if I had to guess, this was it. Holding the edge of the counter with a tight grip, I waited another few minutes until my heart rate steadied and then stood.

I downed a cup of coffee and poured another to sip as I leaned against the counter and stared out the window over the kitchen sink. Onyx and Opal were too busy chasing their tails to notice I'd left. I hoped I'd be able to have a carefree, normal life like them in my next life. Knowing my luck, though, I'd be cursed being a dog that wanted to be a cat or something just as dysfunctional.

Onyx and Opal began barking and ran from view.

"What the hell?"